Husband’s Position- Pastor of Tri-City Baptist Church in Vestal, NY
How long have you been married? 8 years on the 14th!
How many children do you have? How old are they? 3 children: Selah-5, Sam-2, Elliana-1 and one to come in 2 weeks!!
1. Where/How did you meet your husband? I met Matt when I was 11 years old when we moved to Syracuse Ny and became members of the church his dad pastored....for me it was love at first sight...but for him I was just an annoying 11 yr old (he was 14)...we started dating when I was 15 and he was 18.
2. When did you get saved? I was 6 years old
3. Can you share your testimony? I was saved when I was 6. I sort of strayed a little in Jr High and the beginning of High School, but at 15, when I was in 10th grade, I rededicated my life to the Lord and have not looked back.
4. How long have you been in the ministry? My husband was a Youth Pastor at a church the first year we were married, which was during our last year of Bible College, so it will be 8 years in August
5. How did you know the Lord wanted you in the ministry? Was it hard for you to submit to that or did you know 100% sure right away that this is what God wanted for your life? When I was little, I always wanted to be a missionary. As I became a teen ager, I lost sight of that and wanted to be a dancer or some kind of athlete....I also really wanted to be an undercover cop, lol....When I turned 15, I surrendered my life to the Lord to be in full time service.
6. How old were you when you your husband first held a position of leadership? I was 19 when he became a youth pastor and I was 22 when he became the Pastor of the church we started
7. And if you were young, did you have a hard time adjusting because of your age? Did you feel “ready” to be in that position? Did you feel you had a harder time being respected or taken seriously because of your age? I did have a hard time, and still do occasionally. I was only 19 when my hubby was the youth pastor, so it was a little weird being only a year older than some of the teens! It didn't help that I looked the same age as them! As far as being a Pastor's wife at 22, I felt very inadequate. I still have moments when I feel like I have nothing to offer because of my age (I just turned 27). I don't have tons of life experience yet, but I have come to realize that it does not matter. God called me to be Matt's wife, and Matt happens to be a Pastor, and He will equip me to be the servant to others that I need to be. When I first became a PW, I felt like I had to have something to say anytime someone sought counsel...In the past 4 1/2 years I have learned that that is not true...Sometimes ladies just want to talk, and all we need to do is listen. I have also learned that I have no wisdom on my own, and the best thing I can do is quote Scripture to someone.......and I love how te Lord always brings the right one to me just when I need it
8. Once you had children did you find you did less in the ministry and was that hard for you? Yes and YES! Right before I had my 3rd baby, I was feeling very down and even a little depressed in my role. I felt like I was missing out on everything that was happening in the church. Before I had kids, and even when I just had 1, I did EVERYTHING with Matt, and I loved being able to be involved in everything! Well, the more kids that came along, the more difficult is was for me to be involved in everything, and I was just so miserable when Matt would go off to a meeting that did not provide nursery, or when I could not go door knocking, or help with things at the church. I just felt really left out. I vented a bit and sougt some counsel from some wonderful PW's and through them and prayer, I understood more that my role is first as a wife and mother and it is ok for things to go on without me there. Now I can finally say that I am ok with being a mommy to my almost 4 babies and am content in the role God has given me. I know as they get older I will able to be more involved in the church, but for now, my main ministry is to my wonderful family and I do my very best to help my husband where he needs me in the church.
9. What are some ways you included and involved your children in the ministry?
a. Baby…lots of visits to the older people...they love babies!
b. Toddler…having them greet people and making sure I teach them to help clean up in the nursery. Also, teaching them to be quiet and respectful while mommy & daddy are talking...easier said than done, of course =)
c. School age…Selah, my 5 yr old helps a lot by watching my kids in the nursery during the song service when I cannot be in the nursery. She helps clean up and greets people. She also occupies the younger ones if we have to counsel with anyone
10. Do you ever worry that your children will resent the ministry and what are some ways you tried to make it fun for them? We try to teach them that we don’t “have” to go to church but, we “get” to go to church. I try to teach them to be servants and to think about others. Also, not getting upset when they are just not in the mood
11. Are you naturally a submissive person or do you sometimes have a hard time easily following your husband? lol, not at all. I never have a problem following a final decision my husband makes, BUT....for some reason I feel the need to make my opinion very known before that decision is made. I have a hard time just keeping my mouth shut and letting him talk to the Lord about it....I am working on it, though...no, really, I am ;)
12. What do you do to encourage your husband when he is discouraged with the work? I try to give him extra attention. Sounds dumb, but ordering pizza & wings makes him happy, lol, so I'll suggest that on a rough night. If I feel the same way, and am frustrated also, I try to keep my mouth shut because me "venting" along with him just makes it worse...(learned from lots of experience;)
13, What would be the best thing you would tell a mom who is raising her children in the ministry? Put them first before ministries (not before the Lord, but "church things"). Neglecting your children is a sure way to ruin their outlook on the ministry and even on Christianity itself...they are our first ministry
14. How do deal with any criticism toward your husband from others? Not good. This is very hard for me because I know my husband and see all of the work he does and the love and compassion he has for people. He is so genuine and amazing...to see/hear people criticizing him...I could punch them, lol. But so far I have refrained. I really have to pray. However, any time people have come to me directly about my husband, I always make it very clear that I am his wife and I stand behind his decisions 100% and if they have a problem, they need to go to him and not to me. I hate when people try to use me as a "middle-man"...Once they come to me once, it never happens again, lol.
15. How do you deal with personal criticisms? It depends who it comes from. Some people I just ignore and then some I really take to heart. I can deal with personal criticisms way better than I can those about my husband. I don't know why, but I can. I haven't had to deal with too many, but when I do, I try to look at it and see if it is something I really need to change and pray about it. I always want to be teachable and never so dead set in my ways that I miss out on someone trying to help me.
16. Do you set aside date nights/days with your husband? We go out alone once a month and usually have the kiddos in bed around 8 every night so we can spend the evening together. Laying in bed at night is my favorite time where we just talk for hours about all kinds of things.
17. What is the biggest thing you have learned about being married to a man in the ministry? My first and most important job is to be his wife. I need to make sure his needs are met and make sure I am available to help him where he needs it. I have learned that he is called by God to serve others is a very special way, and I have to be flexible with my schedule to allow him to be at his full potential fot the Lord. I cannot try to squander all of his time, becuase he will not be happy unless he is in God's will, and that means giving his life for others.
18. What are some ways you protect your husband from “those” women in the church? I make sure his physical and emotional needs are met at home. I brag on him to others so he has no need to look anywhere else for love, respect, and attention. I never put him down or criticize anything he does or says in public (still working on the at home part ;) If I see a girl or lady with any "suspicious" (lol) behavior, I go right over there and stand around until she gets the picture. This is very serious to me...I have seen too many ministries ruined by an unsuspecting man. I will not allow that to happen to us. I also pray daily for Matt that the Lord would protect his mind and heart from any temptation...I figure if I wear him out at home he won't have anything left to give to some lady trying to steal him away from me;) He needs to know I think he is the strongest, most amazing man on earth. If he feels that from me, he won't be looking for it from any one else.
19. Do you and your husband have devotion or prayer time together daily? Not like I would like
20. Do you have a hard time sharing your burdens with your husband in fear that it will discourage him? Yes
21. What do you do to encourage yourself in the Lord? Having Scripture memorized has been a big help to me. Also, I love to sing, and everytime I amd down, the Lord puts a song in my heart for that moment. I sing all day long, and find that it is hard to complain while you are praising Him!
22. What is your favorite Scripture? Isaiah 43:2 is one of my favorites...I have SO many, though!
23. Do you have a favorite song? I have SO many!! "We're It Not For Grace" is near the top...I just love songs about God's grace
24. What is your biggest struggle in the ministry? People...I love people, but they are so frustrating sometimes. It seems like the ones you do the most for are the ones that hurt you the most. But, we are all sinners and none of us are perfect. I think the hardest is trying to teach people to be faithful. So many people are up one day and down the next....It is hard to help people like that.
25. Do you have find that you are not able to have close lady friends in your church? I try to spend individual time with each lady and make them all feel like they can come to me. I do not have any favorites and do not share any personal details about my husband or any one else in the church with them and I think it that is wise.
26. When you are discouraged, do you feel like you can “show” that feeling to ladies in the church? Or, do you feel like you always have to portray the “perfect” happy Pastor’s wife? I do not show my discouragemnt for the most part. I make sure I am always happy on the outside, even though sometimes I am struggling on the inside. I am not saying that is right, but I strive to be the best example I can be I do share prayer requests and one time I did open my heart at a ladies meeting and lost it emotionally (not yelling, lol...just crying) but that was only once. I felt a little funny after, so I try my best to keep it together
27.Have you ever made a big mistake or offended someone, and if yes, how did you go about restoring that relationship? No main situations come to mind, but I am sure I have. I would absolutely apologize and try to mend the reationship.
28.Do you have other lady ministry friends that you go to for counsel and “venting” purposes? ABSOLUTELY! God has blessed me with some very good ministry friends.
29. Other than praying, what is the most encouraging thing ladies in the church can do for you? Just be faithful!! Offering to watch my kids for a couple hours is always nice, too!
30. What is your favorite way to serve the Lord in your church? I love to sing and play the piano. Ladies meetings are fun, too!
31. Do you currently have special Ladies Bible Study, meetings, or fellowships? We were doing a monthly "LIFT" (ladies in fellowship together), but we have not in a few months...it's been a crazy time for us
32. What ways to you encourage your ladies to get involved in the work of the church? I just ask for help. We are a small church, so help is limited, but they don't know they are needed until you ask.
33. What is the most important thing you pray to pass down to your daughters? To love their husbands & children. to love others and always be compassionate and unselfish
34. In all of your business, how do you fit your personal time in with the Lord each day? This is an area I struggle with. I always plan on having a set time, but with the little ones it is hard. Some days I squeeze it in just to say I have done it, even though that does not please the Lord. Shamefully, there are some days my Bible goes unopened...but I do find that when I rise early before the kids I have my best/most meaningful time with the Lord.
35. Out of all that you have learned being in the full time ministry, what is the most important thing you have learned? I am not any more special than any other woman. Being a Pastor's Wife does not make me any better than a plumber's wife....it just means the Lord allowed me to marry a man who was a Pastor. I am to be a humble servant, not someone walking around expecting those in the church to bow to her because she is married to their Pastor.
36. How would you describe the “perfect” Pastor’s wife? One who puts the Lord first. One who is the best wife she can be to her husband; the best mommy to her children. Someone who is not afraid to admit they do not have all of the answers, but they know the One who does. Someone who is willing to do anything, whether it be giving an elaborate devotion to 1,000 ladies or cleaning the toilets when nobody one knows.
1. Where/How did you meet your husband? I met Matt when I was 11 years old when we moved to Syracuse Ny and became members of the church his dad pastored....for me it was love at first sight...but for him I was just an annoying 11 yr old (he was 14)...we started dating when I was 15 and he was 18.
2. When did you get saved? I was 6 years old
3. Can you share your testimony? I was saved when I was 6. I sort of strayed a little in Jr High and the beginning of High School, but at 15, when I was in 10th grade, I rededicated my life to the Lord and have not looked back.
4. How long have you been in the ministry? My husband was a Youth Pastor at a church the first year we were married, which was during our last year of Bible College, so it will be 8 years in August
5. How did you know the Lord wanted you in the ministry? Was it hard for you to submit to that or did you know 100% sure right away that this is what God wanted for your life? When I was little, I always wanted to be a missionary. As I became a teen ager, I lost sight of that and wanted to be a dancer or some kind of athlete....I also really wanted to be an undercover cop, lol....When I turned 15, I surrendered my life to the Lord to be in full time service.
6. How old were you when you your husband first held a position of leadership? I was 19 when he became a youth pastor and I was 22 when he became the Pastor of the church we started
7. And if you were young, did you have a hard time adjusting because of your age? Did you feel “ready” to be in that position? Did you feel you had a harder time being respected or taken seriously because of your age? I did have a hard time, and still do occasionally. I was only 19 when my hubby was the youth pastor, so it was a little weird being only a year older than some of the teens! It didn't help that I looked the same age as them! As far as being a Pastor's wife at 22, I felt very inadequate. I still have moments when I feel like I have nothing to offer because of my age (I just turned 27). I don't have tons of life experience yet, but I have come to realize that it does not matter. God called me to be Matt's wife, and Matt happens to be a Pastor, and He will equip me to be the servant to others that I need to be. When I first became a PW, I felt like I had to have something to say anytime someone sought counsel...In the past 4 1/2 years I have learned that that is not true...Sometimes ladies just want to talk, and all we need to do is listen. I have also learned that I have no wisdom on my own, and the best thing I can do is quote Scripture to someone.......and I love how te Lord always brings the right one to me just when I need it
8. Once you had children did you find you did less in the ministry and was that hard for you? Yes and YES! Right before I had my 3rd baby, I was feeling very down and even a little depressed in my role. I felt like I was missing out on everything that was happening in the church. Before I had kids, and even when I just had 1, I did EVERYTHING with Matt, and I loved being able to be involved in everything! Well, the more kids that came along, the more difficult is was for me to be involved in everything, and I was just so miserable when Matt would go off to a meeting that did not provide nursery, or when I could not go door knocking, or help with things at the church. I just felt really left out. I vented a bit and sougt some counsel from some wonderful PW's and through them and prayer, I understood more that my role is first as a wife and mother and it is ok for things to go on without me there. Now I can finally say that I am ok with being a mommy to my almost 4 babies and am content in the role God has given me. I know as they get older I will able to be more involved in the church, but for now, my main ministry is to my wonderful family and I do my very best to help my husband where he needs me in the church.
9. What are some ways you included and involved your children in the ministry?
a. Baby…lots of visits to the older people...they love babies!
b. Toddler…having them greet people and making sure I teach them to help clean up in the nursery. Also, teaching them to be quiet and respectful while mommy & daddy are talking...easier said than done, of course =)
c. School age…Selah, my 5 yr old helps a lot by watching my kids in the nursery during the song service when I cannot be in the nursery. She helps clean up and greets people. She also occupies the younger ones if we have to counsel with anyone
10. Do you ever worry that your children will resent the ministry and what are some ways you tried to make it fun for them? We try to teach them that we don’t “have” to go to church but, we “get” to go to church. I try to teach them to be servants and to think about others. Also, not getting upset when they are just not in the mood
11. Are you naturally a submissive person or do you sometimes have a hard time easily following your husband? lol, not at all. I never have a problem following a final decision my husband makes, BUT....for some reason I feel the need to make my opinion very known before that decision is made. I have a hard time just keeping my mouth shut and letting him talk to the Lord about it....I am working on it, though...no, really, I am ;)
12. What do you do to encourage your husband when he is discouraged with the work? I try to give him extra attention. Sounds dumb, but ordering pizza & wings makes him happy, lol, so I'll suggest that on a rough night. If I feel the same way, and am frustrated also, I try to keep my mouth shut because me "venting" along with him just makes it worse...(learned from lots of experience;)
13, What would be the best thing you would tell a mom who is raising her children in the ministry? Put them first before ministries (not before the Lord, but "church things"). Neglecting your children is a sure way to ruin their outlook on the ministry and even on Christianity itself...they are our first ministry
14. How do deal with any criticism toward your husband from others? Not good. This is very hard for me because I know my husband and see all of the work he does and the love and compassion he has for people. He is so genuine and amazing...to see/hear people criticizing him...I could punch them, lol. But so far I have refrained. I really have to pray. However, any time people have come to me directly about my husband, I always make it very clear that I am his wife and I stand behind his decisions 100% and if they have a problem, they need to go to him and not to me. I hate when people try to use me as a "middle-man"...Once they come to me once, it never happens again, lol.
15. How do you deal with personal criticisms? It depends who it comes from. Some people I just ignore and then some I really take to heart. I can deal with personal criticisms way better than I can those about my husband. I don't know why, but I can. I haven't had to deal with too many, but when I do, I try to look at it and see if it is something I really need to change and pray about it. I always want to be teachable and never so dead set in my ways that I miss out on someone trying to help me.
16. Do you set aside date nights/days with your husband? We go out alone once a month and usually have the kiddos in bed around 8 every night so we can spend the evening together. Laying in bed at night is my favorite time where we just talk for hours about all kinds of things.
17. What is the biggest thing you have learned about being married to a man in the ministry? My first and most important job is to be his wife. I need to make sure his needs are met and make sure I am available to help him where he needs it. I have learned that he is called by God to serve others is a very special way, and I have to be flexible with my schedule to allow him to be at his full potential fot the Lord. I cannot try to squander all of his time, becuase he will not be happy unless he is in God's will, and that means giving his life for others.
18. What are some ways you protect your husband from “those” women in the church? I make sure his physical and emotional needs are met at home. I brag on him to others so he has no need to look anywhere else for love, respect, and attention. I never put him down or criticize anything he does or says in public (still working on the at home part ;) If I see a girl or lady with any "suspicious" (lol) behavior, I go right over there and stand around until she gets the picture. This is very serious to me...I have seen too many ministries ruined by an unsuspecting man. I will not allow that to happen to us. I also pray daily for Matt that the Lord would protect his mind and heart from any temptation...I figure if I wear him out at home he won't have anything left to give to some lady trying to steal him away from me;) He needs to know I think he is the strongest, most amazing man on earth. If he feels that from me, he won't be looking for it from any one else.
19. Do you and your husband have devotion or prayer time together daily? Not like I would like
20. Do you have a hard time sharing your burdens with your husband in fear that it will discourage him? Yes
21. What do you do to encourage yourself in the Lord? Having Scripture memorized has been a big help to me. Also, I love to sing, and everytime I amd down, the Lord puts a song in my heart for that moment. I sing all day long, and find that it is hard to complain while you are praising Him!
22. What is your favorite Scripture? Isaiah 43:2 is one of my favorites...I have SO many, though!
23. Do you have a favorite song? I have SO many!! "We're It Not For Grace" is near the top...I just love songs about God's grace
24. What is your biggest struggle in the ministry? People...I love people, but they are so frustrating sometimes. It seems like the ones you do the most for are the ones that hurt you the most. But, we are all sinners and none of us are perfect. I think the hardest is trying to teach people to be faithful. So many people are up one day and down the next....It is hard to help people like that.
25. Do you have find that you are not able to have close lady friends in your church? I try to spend individual time with each lady and make them all feel like they can come to me. I do not have any favorites and do not share any personal details about my husband or any one else in the church with them and I think it that is wise.
26. When you are discouraged, do you feel like you can “show” that feeling to ladies in the church? Or, do you feel like you always have to portray the “perfect” happy Pastor’s wife? I do not show my discouragemnt for the most part. I make sure I am always happy on the outside, even though sometimes I am struggling on the inside. I am not saying that is right, but I strive to be the best example I can be I do share prayer requests and one time I did open my heart at a ladies meeting and lost it emotionally (not yelling, lol...just crying) but that was only once. I felt a little funny after, so I try my best to keep it together
27.Have you ever made a big mistake or offended someone, and if yes, how did you go about restoring that relationship? No main situations come to mind, but I am sure I have. I would absolutely apologize and try to mend the reationship.
28.Do you have other lady ministry friends that you go to for counsel and “venting” purposes? ABSOLUTELY! God has blessed me with some very good ministry friends.
29. Other than praying, what is the most encouraging thing ladies in the church can do for you? Just be faithful!! Offering to watch my kids for a couple hours is always nice, too!
30. What is your favorite way to serve the Lord in your church? I love to sing and play the piano. Ladies meetings are fun, too!
31. Do you currently have special Ladies Bible Study, meetings, or fellowships? We were doing a monthly "LIFT" (ladies in fellowship together), but we have not in a few months...it's been a crazy time for us
32. What ways to you encourage your ladies to get involved in the work of the church? I just ask for help. We are a small church, so help is limited, but they don't know they are needed until you ask.
33. What is the most important thing you pray to pass down to your daughters? To love their husbands & children. to love others and always be compassionate and unselfish
34. In all of your business, how do you fit your personal time in with the Lord each day? This is an area I struggle with. I always plan on having a set time, but with the little ones it is hard. Some days I squeeze it in just to say I have done it, even though that does not please the Lord. Shamefully, there are some days my Bible goes unopened...but I do find that when I rise early before the kids I have my best/most meaningful time with the Lord.
35. Out of all that you have learned being in the full time ministry, what is the most important thing you have learned? I am not any more special than any other woman. Being a Pastor's Wife does not make me any better than a plumber's wife....it just means the Lord allowed me to marry a man who was a Pastor. I am to be a humble servant, not someone walking around expecting those in the church to bow to her because she is married to their Pastor.
36. How would you describe the “perfect” Pastor’s wife? One who puts the Lord first. One who is the best wife she can be to her husband; the best mommy to her children. Someone who is not afraid to admit they do not have all of the answers, but they know the One who does. Someone who is willing to do anything, whether it be giving an elaborate devotion to 1,000 ladies or cleaning the toilets when nobody one knows.
Good job. Love that you are so transparant and real. I think that makes the best pastor's wife. :)
ReplyDeleteI Love you Barbie!! Thanks for sharing . . . you are an Awesome friend, Pastor's wife and mommy!! You have Always been there for me. I thank God for you Always!! Miss you too!!
ReplyDeleteDebbie