Mrs. Chris Ingram...Missionary Wife!

Husband’s Position- Missionary

How long have you been married? 30 years in November

How many children/grandchildren do you have? 4 children and 7 grand childrenHow old are they? kids are all adults and grands range from 15 to 4

What field are you and your husband in/ going to? to the gypsies in Eastern Europe; will be living in Croatia

1. When/Where did you meet your husband? We met at our home church, Trinity Baptist Church in Arlington, TX
2. When did you get saved? My Sunday School teacher led me to the Lord when I was six years old.  She happened to be a missionary wife home on furlough.
3. Can you share your testimony? My mother was divorced and remarried when I was young.  The pastor that married them was an independent Baptist pastor.  After they got married we started going to the church.  My mother and new father were both saved before they married.  Within a few months of going to church I quickly learned that even at my age that I was a sinner that needed to be saved.  One Sunday morning I walked down the aisle and my Sunday School teacher led me to the Lord.  I was baptized that night.
4. How long have you been in the ministry? Since 1982.
5. Did you feel the same call as your husband to that specific location, or did you just feel the call to follow your husband? I felt the Lord calling me to the mission field when I was in high school. But I rebelled after I watched my mother die from a brain tumor.  But the Lord was not going to let me get away that easy.  Through many years of fighting Him, I surrendered.  Literally.  I told the Lord that I give up.  And right after that He put my future husband in my path. 
6. How long did you/ have you been traveling on deputation? We came off the mission field several years ago because of my health and family problems.  We surrerendered to go back this past February.  My husband has been on furlough since October.
7. What is the hardest thing about being on deputation? For me the hardest thing is being away from my grandchildren. (Sorry kids!)
8. What do enjoy the most about being on deputation? When we had the children it was being able to take them all over the United States and seeing so many sites. 
9. How do/did you keep your children excited about being a “missionary” with constant travel and being in church all of the time? We were always showing them how the Lord was working in our lives as we traveled.  They could watch how He always provided when we needed.
10. Do/Did you feel the burden of having well behaved children at all times? Any parent wants their children to be well behaved at all times, but that is not always possible.  That 'ole depraved nature always pops out at the most inoportune time in kids. But we all do our best to teach them.
11. What is the most encouraging thing that a Pastor’s wife could do or say to you regarding your children?. I guess is that the can see that we have taught our children how to behave and to also have their own standards. 
12. Do you always have the option of a Nursery in churches or do you sometimes have to take children who are not ready yet into services? I was fortunate to always have a nursery where we were. And for those churches where there is no nursery, do you wish they would make a special exception for your family while you are there? That would always be nice, but I would never expect it.  We would do the best we could.  It would not make me feel out of place to take a child out of the services.  That is just the same as is expected of any church member.
13. What is the best thing (other than prayer) that a church can do for your family or give to your family? Friendship and love
14. What are some things that churches do for you that may not be a help to you? We have been put into to church members homes that obviously did not like children and that caused inconvenience.  But there really has not been anything that I comes to mind.
15. Do you prefer to stay in a hotel, mission’s apartment, or the home of a church member? For me, when we had children a mission apartment was always wonderful.  But as we have gotten older staying in a home is nice.  I have developed several very special friendships from staying in homes.
16. What is the best thing a Pastor’s Wife can do to make you feel comfortable in her church? Just to show kindness goes a very long ways.  I have actually been in churches that I never learned who the pastor's wife was.  A willingness to help you with you children, especially if you have several.
17. What is the best thing that the ladies of the church can do for you? Talk to you.  Start up a conversation.  Not necessarily always about the mission field.  Just normal women and mom things.
18. Do you ever feel that you have to be “fake” at a new church to be accepted as a missionary? (For instance, do you feel the need to always smile, be social, and be positive about every aspect of your ministry and deputation) When I was younger and new in the ministry I felt I had to be perfect.  Just be yourself.  People can always tell when you are being fake.  When talking about your ministry and being on deputation, you can be honest.  It is not always easy, but it just how you talk about it.  You don't want people to feel sorry for you, you want them to feel your burden.
19. What kind of church makes you “feel at home”? Friendly, outgoing and talkative.  I enjoy it when the ladies talk to me, but what impresses me the most is when the teenagers come and talk.
20. Who are your best friends and what do they do that encourages you? I think my best friends are my two sisters.  One is also in the ministry.  She is a pastor's wife.  They allow me to vent when I need to.  If my husband and I are not on the same page (nice way of saying having an argument) I know that my sisters will let me vent and it is not going to be told all over the church.  They can be honest with me and tell me get off my soapbox or stop having a pity party for myself.  But most of all, I know that they are praying for me daily.  Sometimes hourly when needed.
21. Any “horror “stories you’d like to share? Well.........that could be opening a can of worms.   :0)  Let me see.  How about our family of six (youngest age 4 and a boy) staying in a home.  The lady did not like kids and her living room was completely white and glass furniture..  Including white shag carpet.  Needless to say, I was in our bedroom a lot with all for children because I was afraid of a disaster.
22. What has been the biggest blessing so far about being “on the road”? To me that was being able to share with our family how God provides.  Over and over we watched Him perform those miracles that people say never happen anymore. 
23. Do you ever get worried that your children will resent the ministry and the fact that you took them from America, away from their family and friends? There is always that possibility.  All we can do is our best, allow them to help as much in the ministry as possible, and pray, pray, pray.
24. What are/were your biggest fears and challenges about raising your children in a different culture? We would us it a learning tool to teaching them (and ourselves)the differences between our culture and other countries.  It also taught our children to love our own country.
25. How do you manage the lonely times (holidays, etc) without your family and friends in the States? We would try to celebrate in the same way as if we were in the states.  I tried to always make sure that I would bring something for each holiday to put up in our home.  And we started making new traditions.  In fact, we started a new tradition here in the states.  On New Years Day, I would make an full Romanian meal for the family.  It is something that we look forward to every year. 
26. What do you do to encourage yourself in the Lord? Of course Bible reading.  But I sing a lot.  It soothes my heart to hear hymns. 
27. Do you have a hard time sharing your burdens with your husband for fear of discouraging him?. I used to feel that way years before.  But I began to carry burdens thinking I was protecting my husband.  But after we talked one time he taught me that I was trying to carry burdens that were really something that he should be handling.  Also, if we do not share our burdens with our husbands, how can he properly pray for us?
28. What do you do to encourage your husband? You would be surprised how by simple encouraging words.  Quite often he would go out to new villages on evangelistic trips.  I would try to put little notes in his shirt pockets or Bible.  Try to find new ways to encourage him. You would be surprised what really does encourage him.  I learned accidently one time when he was talking to another preacher about how when I would walk by him when he was at his desk working and just brush my hand across his shoulders as I walked by what a encouragement that was to him.  Who would have thought it???
29. What is your favorite Scripture? I Cor 15:10 - But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.
30. What is your favorite song? It Is Well With My Soul
31. How do you fit in your personal time with the Lord each day? I try to start every morning.  But you never now what is going to happen.  I have the Bible on my phone.  So every spare minute I have I try to read or listen to the Bible when my devotional time gets interrupted.
32. What is the most important thing you have learned so far about being in the ministry? To be careful to get too busy doing the ministry.  When I do, I tend to start doing it in my power and not the Lord's.  We have to cherish that personal time with Him.  I know that it is not always possible, but just do our best.  And to constantly pray.
33. If you could give one piece of advice to a girl/young woman who is wanting to be the wife of a missionary, what would it be? As women, we want to claim him to be "all" ours.  We have to be willing to share him.  Of course, we should always want him to put God first before us.  Just stay yielded and die to self every morning. 
34. What is your favorite thing about the country you are in/are going to? It might sould corny, but my favorite thing is that it is the country God wants us to be in.  And that make it my favorite.
35. Are you able to have the same type of ladies' ministries where you are serving as you could have in the states? When we were in Romania it was not possible to have the same type of ladies ministries that we have here.  When working with gypsy women it is a whole different culture.  Most of the women were bought as young ladies and even teenage girls.  They are just property.  They are not allowed to go to school.  The men want to keep them uneducated and always pregnant.  They want their women to be dependent on them. 
36. Did/Do you have to learn a new language? And if yes, how was it? Did you catch on quickly? Yes, we learned Romanian.  Even though the gypsies spoke the own language, they also spoke Romanian.  The last few years we were learning their language.  For me learning another language was difficult because at the time I was home schooling four children.  I was not able to get out as much to practice the language with people.  I learned the language almost perfectly on paper and reading but speaking was difficult for me.  After the children were gone was when I was able to learn better.
37. What is the hardest thing about being in another country? I was always afraid of breaking one of the laws that I did not know.  Or do a cultural mistake. 
38. How have you had to adapt to the culture where you are serving? Food? Clothing? I had to be careful how I acted and interacted with my husband in public.  Because women were second class citizens then.  When it came to food I had to adapt the "don't ask" policy.  Sometimes it was better not to know what I was eating.  Working with the gypsy women, clothing was not much of a problem.  They were required to be covered from head to toe, including the head. 
39. What are some ways you keep in contact with your family and friends that are across the world? The first few years were very difficult.  There were no computers.  The only way was to communicate was by snail mail and phones.  And then it was between $2-4 per minute to call.  So we did not call the states very often.  Now, there is no problem at all.  With computers you can do almost anything type of communicating.  Anything from email to Skype.
40. Do you feel "home" where God has called you?  We have been away from the mission field for several years.  Even though we knew this was where God wanted us at this time, both my husband's and my heart never left Romania.  We are so anxious to get back to the mission field!!!

On Having Children....from a Mama of Many=)

I asked my friend Tammy if I could steal her blog post so I could share it with you! She is the wife of a missionary to Guatemala and a mother to 7 (almost 8!) beautiful children. I read this post and just loved it. Read this with an open heart and you will be blessed!

"Weddings, Having Babies, and Eternal Rewards..."

By:Tammy Coates

 http://thispilgrimage.blogspot.com/

       I looked at some pictures of a Mormon wedding today online, and something that really struck me about it was that there were SO many children in the pictures of the extended family. Their family is large and beautiful, and children are clearly welcome. It made me think sober thoughts about how the Enemy has lied to true believers about the importance, the value, the *necessity* of children. Those who have the true Gospel have, unfortunately, bought into his lies. In fact, some of our most respected teachers and preachers actually counsel young couples to hold off having children, and then be careful to "space them out". And those are the couples who are actually planning to have any children at all.

      We have forfeited God's long-term blessings in favor of short-term convenience, or so that we can have more luxuries, or the designer "one of each" kind of family. We've lost sight of the eternal, and fixed our eyes (and affections) on the temporal. How far removed we are from the godly men and women of Bible times who begged God to bless them with children, who rejoiced to see them born, who blessed young brides of the next generation with a blessing of fruitfulness!

"Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways... Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table." {Psalm 128:1,3}

"And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it." {Genesis 1:28}

"And God Almighty bless thee, and make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, that thou mayest be a multitude of people." {Genesis 28:3}

"And I will gather the remnant of my flock out of all countries whither I have driven them, and will bring them again to their folds; and they shall be fruitful and increase." {Jeremiah 23:3}

"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate." {Psalm 127:3-5}

Do we believe that the fruit of the womb is His reward? Really? If we believed that, then would we be counseling young couples to prevent pregnancies? The fact is that Christians today have an unbiblical view on childbirth and family planning. We've accepted the world's philosophy on it, while other groups.. cults.. (not just Mormons) are multiplying and teaching their young their false doctrines, raising up a healthy generation of hell-bound zealots. And we look around us, bewildered at their sheer numbers, wondering how we'll ever be able to win them all to the Lord.

Well, the answer to that dilemma is right in our homes.

       The fact is that YOU can't win that many people to the Lord in your lifetime. It's impossible. You will only be able to reach a limited number of people, and that's it. Meanwhile, people continue to be born, grow up without being taught the truth, and will likely, eventually, die lost. Will your influence only extend to the end of your life? Not if you have a whole passel of children, and train them up to walk in the ways of the Lord! I challenge you to do this:

1) Rethink your philosophy about childbearing and family planning. Does it line up with Scripture? Do you see large families as being abundantly blessed, or as unfortunate souls who perhaps haven't figured out "what causes that"?

2) Realize that children really are a blessing from the Lord, and treat them as such. Do not balk at the woman in your church who is "pregnant AGAIN??", and instead bless her with words of affirmation and joy. (Check out Luke 1:42!)

3) Encourage the young mother who is tired, who wonders if it's all worth it, who just had a baby and needs the support of others while she is resting. Give her the support she needs, lest she get discouraged and decide in her heart that this one's the last one, because she can't take anymore.

4) If you are married, of childbearing age, and you are physically able to have children, pray about taking your hands off the controls and allowing God to open and close the womb according to His will.

     I have never heard anyone say they regret having a child, but I have heard many regrets from people who wish they would have had more. "Father, give us YOUR heart attitude about children!"

***This post is not intended to hurt those who cannot have children, nor to cause distress to those who could have, did not, and now it is too late. To those brothers and sisters, I say now is your opportunity to encourage the next generation to welcome children, and bless them with your words, your love and support!*** -Tammy Coates

"The Good Part"

     The time has come....SCHOOL!!! yes, already. Tomorrow Selah begins 2nd grade! I am not starting anything with my other 3. Joy is just about 8 weeks, Ellie, 18 mo, and Sam just turned 3. The first week of September Sam will be starting Pre-K! He will be going to the same program Selah went to 2 years ago and he has the same teacher, who I really like. His class will be from 8am-10:30am every day, which is when I am "planning" on doing school with Selah. So earlier bedtimes and more scheduled nap times are in my near future=)
    Another thing we are wanting to get more scheduled with is our family devotions. We have been slacking big time! I am sure you all know how it \is! You get convicted about not having family devotions, so you start them. The first night you sing like 5 songs, do a great lesson, prayer request time, and maybe you even throw in a craft!! Then after even a few more days like that you cut out the craft, the songs, and most of the lesson....and in the end, you end up with a short goodnight prayer. The same pattern seems to go with Bible reading, prayer, dieting, and exercising, the way we raise our children...you know, ALL of the things we need and things that are important to the Lord!
WHY in the world is it soooo hard to be consistent? Why do we have such a hard time denying ourselves in order to do more to please the Lord? For example, devotions!  After making and eating dinner I do dishes, and clean up the house from the crazy day, and I am exhausted! Then you have to get all of the kids cleaned up and ready for bed, and then clean up all of the mess you made doing that. All this after a day of diaper changing, feeding babies, preparing meals and snacks, cleaning up along the way, laundry, dishes, errands, school, whining, fighting, etc. etc.(you know the drill!)....and it is very hard to want to then have devotions....by then I just want everyone in their beds sleeping!
    How selfish can I be!? really. It is a shame that I would rather just say a quick prayer with my kids so I can go plop on the couch and eat junk food (which is a whole other subject all together!!!) and watch tv (another subject, lol) so I can "relax", over wanting to spend quality time with my children by teaching them God's Word and filling their little minds and hearts with thoughts of Him before they lay down to sleep. It makes me sad to look at where my priorities have been lately. I think of the words Jesus spoke.....
 ⁴⁰But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.
 ⁴¹And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:
 ⁴²But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.
     And while I want to pass down to my daughters the art of homemaking ,and taking good care of your home, family, and husband, I want even more to pass down to them, and to my son, the "good part". How can I do that if all they see me doing is things around the house all day, then saying a quick prayer and putting them to bed without ever really taking the time to share God's actual Word with them. I will say that I do use the entire day to teach them about the Lord by little comments I make here and there and when they are being corrected, but I want to develop in them a hunger for His Word and I want them to know all of the wonderful promises that can be found in it. 
     I have always struggled with consistency in this area, and as I look back on our family devotions as kids, they were very inconsistent. I do not want my children to struggle with that. I want to teach them to make this a priority, not just a habit, but something they love, and a time they look forward to each day. I don't want them to feel like they can go to sleep until they have had that special time.
    Anyways, just one thing I have been convicted about lately...among many others! God has richly blessed me with these 4 beautiful babies, and I so want to mold them into servants of His. I do not ever want them to resent us, or the ministry, or especially the Lord! My husband feels the same way I do, and I am so thankful for a man that is willing to lead His family for the Lord. I feel for those mommies who do not have a Godly husband who can lead their family in a devotional time.
     But also, let me encourage you mommies who are in that situation, keep it up! If your husband is not leading the children in the ways of the Lord, step up and do it yourself!! Even some "christian" husbands do not think it is important, and in turn the wife just gets bitter and resentful thinking about what the husband "should" be doing, and she neglects to have this special time with her children.....just DO IT! Someone needs to step up and train the children that nothing is more important than having a personal, meaningful relationship with Jesus. When he sees that you are making an effort to make this your priority, he'll eventually feel convicted and step up! Just keep praying fot the Lord to change his heart.
     Well, anyways, we did devotions last night. My husband wasn't home, but the kids and I sang a couple of songs, read a Psalm, and a story in their kid's devotional. I felt so good when they went to bed. Even better than I feel when there is not a dirty dish in the sink, and the house is clean....I am slowly learning, "the good part" and praying I can pass this down to my precious children.
  

"Lest Though Forget"...On raising Children...

Last night was the first night of our marriage seminar. It was lovely=) We got to get all dressed up, drop the kids off, and enjoy a fun, relaxing night together. It was a fantastic. Bro. Dave Hardy and his wife Grace are the speakers this year, and last night we heard out first lesson on the home.
He mostly talked about marriage, of course, and it was great, but the thing that stuck out most to me was a comment he said that his wife has said to him. It was something along the lines of "I think mothers forget in raising chilren that their main goal is to produce children that are choice servants for Christ", and that was just so convicting to me! He was saying that for some reasons these days we are just content if we can have our children grow up to just finish school, and stay off drugs...and how true is that!?
In the back of my mind I also have that goal, but sadly, most days that is not my absolute focus, and that was a sad realization to me. Most days I feel accomplished enough if I can just get them up, dressed and fed; homeschool, play time, rest time, fed some more, bathed....well, you know, all the things that we moms do every day, that I am just plain dropping the ball on what matters most!!
Yes, I do teach and train and discipline, but I find that I have lost the vision of not only raising well-behaved children, but raising Godly children. I do not want that. Anyone can raise a smart, well behaved child, but it takes a Godly Christian wife and mother to raise a son or daughter that is going to grow into a "choice servant" for Him!
I think many times we as Christian mothers just go through the motions. We pray before meals, we do devotions with them, we bring them to church 3 times a week, we teach them about the Bible at home, but why?? What is our main focus? Are we doing it because it is the right thing to do? Are we doing it because we want them to have a lot of knowledge so we can look good? Or are we truly focused on the fact that we only have 18 short years with them to really train them to be servants for Christ?
We can easily put on a show for others, but our children know us and watch us more that we even realize...and above and beyond all of our teaching, they are going to learn how to be a servant of Christ by watching us. Is mom reading her Bible? Is mom praying? Does mom have the joy of the Lord in her life? Does mom live what she "preaches"? Is mom a gossip? Is mom a complainer? Does mom show the love of God in her discipline? Is mom witnessing? memorizing Scripture? The list can go on and on!
But, as I heard last night, and many times before, the thing children are watching most is the way mom reacts to dad. In the Bible it talks about the Husband loving the wife as Christ loved the church. Marriage is the prime biblical example of Christ and the church. So we need to be, we MUST be, modeling that for our children. They need to see that picture to understand why we serve. I know for me, I do things for my husband because I love him, and he does the same for me. And that is what our children need....to see that we serve out of love, not duty.
So, therefore, we need to teach our children to love, I mean really love Christ. If they grow up seeing us serve the Lord out of duty, then they can easily rebel and quit serving Christ because they don't want to anymore. But, if we instill in them a genuine love for the Lord and who He is, they will want to always serve Him with their lives. It is when that true love is not there that the heart begins to wander.
A marriage is not going to fall apart when both spouses are 100% dedicated to serving each other, not out of fear or duty, but out of love.  It is when we allow that selfishness and pride into our marriages that we begin to crumble and let Satan in. It is that selfishness and pride that our children see and begin to lose the picture of Christ and the church. Each time we argue with our husbands, defy them, planting our feet and refusing to change, the picture Christ put before is gets more and more blurred for our children, and they miss out on the beauty of what it was supposed to be.
Every single moment of every single day is a time when we can be teaching our children of God's love for us. We need to be talking with our children and letting them see how much we really love Him. I have been reading in the Old Testament and I love Deuteronomy 4. I see how many times it talks about parents teaching their children about all that Christ has done for them in the past. Reminding them how God has always been there no matter what, "lest they forget".

 ^9"Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons' sons;"
The mercies of the Lord are something we can never teach our children enough. We need to be telling them all of the things He has done for us in the past and in the present and all He has promised us for the future. We need to be teaching them that God is REAL! A true relationship with Christ is not something we get overnight, but something we work on every day, just like our marriage. It is knowing God and learning more and more about Him every day. It is talking to Him and listening to Him and responding when he shows you things to change. Just like with our husbands.
And I truly believe that when we as mothers have that kind of love for the Lord, our children will have no choice but to notice that and want that for themselves. They will come to Christ and draw close to Him, not because we tell them they have to, but because they want to. There will come a day when we will not be there to tell them to read their Bible or pray or that they have to go to church....will they still do it? Do we even do it?
I don't even know if all of this makes sense, but I just do not want to be resposible for missing the mark with my children. The Lord gave them to me, and like Hannah, I need to give them back to Him, and raise them to know the goodness of the Lord, so when the choice becomes theirs, they will follow in His steps....because they know nothing else, but serving Him and loving Him with all of their heart.
Deuteronomy 6
^5"And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
 ⁶And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
 ⁷And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."