Wife of the Week!! "A Happy PW" *Anonymous...

Name- "A Happy PW" Anonymous
Husband’s Position- Pastor and currently youth pastor also
How long have you been married? It will be 7 years in May
How many children/grandchildren do you have? How old are they? I have four daughters. My oldest will be five in April. J The youngest was born in December. So as of this writing, 4, 3, 2 and 2 months.

1. How long have you been in the ministry? I personally consider myself entering the ministry when I got saved in 1995. That is when I started teaching and singing in church and working nursery and other ministries. I entered full time ministry with my husband in August of 2008.
2. What “positions” has your husband had since being in the ministry. Just the pastorate (youth pastor also).
3. How did you know the Lord wanted you in the ministry? Was it hard for you to submit to that or did you know 100% sure right away that this is what God wanted for your life? During a youth camp when I was a teenager, all week long God was pricking my heart to serve Him. I didn’t know in what way but I knew no matter what I did with my life, I wanted it to be whatever He wanted. Therefore I surrendered to do whatever God wanted for my life never ever imagining that it would be what I am doing. I never thought that I would be a pastor’s wife. I knew that I was not good enough to be in that position. But I have hence learned, not all pastor’s wives are good. J They are just obedient. Having the mindset that no matter what God brings into my life, by way of service or a ministry position, that’s what I’m going to do, has really brought such peace to me.
4. How old were you when you your husband first held a position of leadership? His first leadership position was Bus Captain during Bible College. He wasn’t my husband when he first started so I was 20. He continued to be the captain after we were married.
5. And if you were young, did you have a hard time adjusting because of your age? Did you feel “ready” to be in that position? Did you feel you had a harder time being respected or taken seriously because of your age? When you look at this question in light of the bus captain position, not really. I was already working on the bus and I never got any special treatment or gifts or different respect because of his position. However, when you look at this question in light of being a pastor’s wife, totally different answer. Did I feel ready, absolutely not! Was it harder to be respected because of my age, amazingly enough the answer there is no also. And I say no only because of the amazing people we have at our church. We have some of the most wonderful grounded older people in our church and they have the mindset that whoever God puts in the leadership position, that is who is to be obeyed. The older generation has taught the younger so the younger generation also has this mindset. They wholeheartedly trust the Lord to work through my husband and I. We are truly blessed to be at the church we are at. However, I think that respect has two sides to it. There is the respect that leads a person to obey the leader, but there is a respect that must also be earned. That aspect of respect doesn’t come with age necessarily but with longevity (how long you’ve been at a place ministering).
6. Once you had children did you find you did less in the ministry and was that hard for you? There are few times that I don’t get involved with something. Being the pastor’s wife and youth pastor’s wife at the moment, and being at a small church, I still do a lot. Our people are so good to me though and if I need help or to miss something, they always fill in the gap.
7. What are some ways you included and involved your children in the ministry?
     a. Baby… If they were sick, they stayed home. But even if other siblings were sick and they weren’t, they went to church. Their presence blesses others and it is good for them to get into the routine of being at church, even when they are this small. Taking them on visitation is always nice because a baby almost always makes the heart of those visited softer and they still aren’t too much to handle while you are trying to talk and minister.
    b. Toddler… As soon as they can memorize songs, they are singing specials. We always listen to godly music so that they have a love for it and it’s not pulling teeth to get them to sing. They are embarrassed being alone in front of all those people though so whenever they sing, I always load them with compliments. Singing together is something we’ve enjoyed doing as well. I also think it’s important to get them to at least shake hands with visitors and regulars. They don’t have to hug people, but they have to shake hands when one is presented.
8. Did you ever worry that your children would resent the ministry and what are some ways you tried to make it fun for them? My children are still very young but I always have this in the back of my head. I pray that they will grow up loving the ministry. I am sure I can be proven wrong but I feel that if we as Mommy and Daddy will practice what we preach and truly live godly lives in front of our children, they won’t hate the ministry when they grow up. Now that they can understand what we are saying (and spelling doesn’t work) we try to not talk about the negative things in front of them. Also, children are always looking forward to things. When we look at the calendar during school and say, today is Tuesday and tomorrow is Wednesday and we get to go to church, it helps them to look forward to it. Almost like birthdays or holidays. Sometimes the girls get mad when I tell them it’s Friday and we aren’t going to church today but that they have to wait two more days. J
9. What would be the best thing you would tell a mom who is raising her children in the ministry? There are two things. I don’t think that anyone could ever give better advice than to encourage a mom to stay in her Bible and praying. These are the basic survival skills for any human being and especially moms in the ministry! You need the Lord to help you do all that you are required to do as a ministry wife. But the second is, remember your roles and in what order they come. You are first a Christian. Your relationship with the Lord is the MOST IMPORTANT THING! You then are a WIFE, a mother, and then the friend to the ladies of your church. Also, this kind of falls under the most important, like third important to me at least: you need to protect your babies. My girls don’t like to hug people, even people who they’ve known their whole lives that aren’t family. That’s why I don’t MAKE them hug people at church. But, they always have to be kind and shake hands. If they absolutely wont, I don’t punish them. When they get old enough to understand being kind, I always try to train them to at least shake hands.
10. What do you do to encourage your husband when he is discouraged with the work? This is the biggest struggle that he has, discouragement. First of all, I try to let him have time to just think or vent, which ever he needs at the time. Sometimes he just needs to mull things over in his brain without me prying to find out what’s wrong. And the worst thing I could do is try to fix it and “tell” him what he needs to do like quit being a baby and suck it up or stop thinking about it that way. I try to find some kind of positives to bring up to get him thinking about the good things going on and sometimes, he just needs to sleep on it, “…joy comes in the morning.” That’s what the cure is many times, a good night sleep. J
11. How do deal with any criticism toward your husband from others? So far, knock on wood and Praise the Lord, all the criticism I’ve had about him has been good. I really have an amazing husband. There is one example I can think of with someone being negative and the only thing I can do is pray for the family and always be kind to them when I see them.
12. Have you/ Do you set aside date nights/days with your husband? No, we simply don’t have the time. We do try to be very religious about taking Monday’s off and spending the day together as a family. I told him when we moved here, I don’t care if you work six days a week straight, I want one day together as a family. The Lord has been very good to us in this area. Things do come up, but usually we get the whole day together. Sometimes, just like last week J , we do get date nights together when we get us time. But those are MAYBE once every other month. I told him that’s probably why people have “empty nest syndrome” because they never took time during the child rearing years to keep close to each other and have just grown up time. While we were in labor with our last daughter, we had plenty of opportunities to have days with NO CHILDREN thanks to some wonderful friends and church members. You could really see why people could say after 30 years of marriage, “Who are you” because you become a team so much in raising your kids instead of being husband and wife: friends. When our kids get older, I definitely foresee more date nights together.
13. What is the biggest thing you have learned about being married to a man in the ministry? I already knew it coming into the ministry but the fact that I have to share him. When you have someone who is constantly wanting to talk to him for an hour after every service and wanting him to help them with their car and help them do something on the computer, you just have to remember that they are building a relationship with him too and they need his time too. Those times are when those Mondays together are even more precious.
14. What are some ways you protect your husband from “those” women in the church? I can remember two times that I’ve talked to him about the way a conversation was or the way a lady was looking at him, because he is pretty good looking. J I just told him, I don’t think you should say this that way or I think she’s looking at you like this and if I were her, this is what I’d be thinking with that kind of look. Never being accusing to him, but just to let him know things that I’ve noticed. He always tries to be on guard so usually after we talk, he is more attentive to those women or situations. Once I had a long talk with a teenager about her clothing and how it was inappropriate and that it was making my husband have thoughts towards her that were only supposed to be for me, because that was the way that he was created by God to think. She really started wearing better clothing to church after that. I think the most important thing is to be alert, open, honest and kind.
15. Do you and your husband have devotion or prayer time together daily? Nope, we have always wanted to but we are so busy with ministry and our kids, that we are just worn out by the time there is time. We quite often try to talk about the Lord in different situations during the day, we pray for our food, for people in the church, for our family and we sing so often. Usually during the day, if the girls are just playing and I’m working or cleaning we have godly music on but we don’t have scripture reading and prayer everyday. If I have a question or one of us sees something neat during our personal Bible reading we’ll usually tell each other about it before we go to bed.
16. Do you have a hard time sharing your burdens with your husband in fear that it will discourage him? Not usually. There have been a few times that I’ve waited to tell him about something that happened because he’s about to preach or he’s studying or something but we usually tell each other everything. One time a girl who had left our church posted on facebook about something wonderful at her new church and after I read it to him he asked me not to tell him things like that again because of how discouraging it was so I try to be mindful of that.
17. What do you do to encourage yourself in the Lord? Really the best thing is to get into the Bible. Usually, when I am discouraged, it’s because I’ve missed my Bible reading or I’m not having meaningful prayer time. Sometimes ranting to a far away friend helps but nothing is more satisfying than just taking about half an hour and praying and reading. I like to look over my journal too and see how the Lord has answered prayers and provided things for my family. That’s always encouraging and helps me to remember that this time will pass just as that time did.
18. What is your favorite Scripture? I have two. 1 Samuel 12:24, “Only fear the Lord, and serve him in truth with all your heart: for consider how great things he hath done for you.” and Psalm 73:26, “My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” God has been SO GOOD to me and saved me from such a horrible lifestyle, I can’t imagine not serving Him after all He’s done for me. But, serving Him in my own strength will never work because my flesh is weak. How wonderful to know that God is the strength that I need and that He will freely give me the strength that I need to serve Him.
19. Do you have a favorite song? “Nearer to Thee” for a hymn and “What Sin?” as a special.
20. Do you have find that you are not able to have close lady friends in your church? It would be easy for me to have close friends in the church. It’s hard not to but I try really hard to treat all the ladies the same so that no one can say that I play favorites. I have a really good friend in another state who is a song leader’s wife and we go to monthly preacher’s meetings where we can fellowship with other ministry wives and those ladies are my close friends. In all reality, I think my husband is my best friend so that helps me not feel like I need someone in the church to be that close.
21. Do you have other lady ministry friends that you go to for counsel and “venting” purposes? I kind of answered this in the last question. If you are in the ministry and reading this, you need to go to fellowship meetings where you and your husband can fellowship with other ministry couples. They know what you are going through, have advice about it or care enough about you to pray for you as you are going through it.
22. Other than praying, what is the most encouraging thing ladies in the church can do for you? I can think of two things. Be willing to watch my children so that my husband and I can have some us time or if I am about to go crazy and just need some me time and to be willing to serve in the church. The more ladies that serve, the more that I can relax. And honestly, one of the biggest blessings to my soul is to see the ladies get involved, use their talents, and receive blessings for the work that they have done. I love it!
23. What is your favorite way to serve the Lord in your church? I really enjoy getting to go on visitation with my husband. We had such a great time this last Saturday talking to one of our teens who just got saved and her mom about baptism and our church. That’s when I really feel like I am a part of God’s work, when I get to tell others about what God is doing and what He’s said in His word. I do enjoy getting to sing and getting to work with my children for the specials they sing.
24. In all of your business, how do you fit your personal time in with the Lord each day? Since my fourth daughter was born, life is crazy with round the clock feedings, little sleep, lots of responsibility and sickness! We have been so sick since she’s been born. But this last week has been wonderful. She has slept for six hours and woke me up around 5:30-5:45 every morning. After feeding her, I get to read, pray and journal without any other distractions and it’s been wonderful. It’s also allowed me to get other things accomplished (sewing, cleaning, showering) before the other girls wake up so I have felt like I actually get things accomplished when I get to have my devotions first thing.
25. Out of all that you have learned being in the full time ministry, what is the most important thing you have learned? Hands down, it has been to let other people get involved. When we first came here, no one told us how they always did things. They wanted to follow us and follow they did, without giving us input (until we had messed things up trying to do everything ourselves). It’s so easy to just say, I’ll do it myself. But by doing that you leave people out, they don’t feel included and feelings get hurt. The bottom line is that this isn’t our church, it’s everybody’s and the more that we let others get involved, the less stressed we are but the more that the people want to get involved because they feel like they are actually a part.