Mrs. Rachel Miller...Youth Pastor's Wife!

Husband’s Position- Youth Pastor and Music Director

How long have you been married? 4 years 6 months

How many children do you have? How old are they? 2 boys, Jude (2yrs) Jonah(6months)

1. Where/How did you meet your husband? Pensacola Christian College - my best friend was dating his best friend :) I met him on my first day on campus, but I didn’t really get to know him until a dating outing. I only went because my best friend was going with her boyfriend, and Stephen had no choice but to go since he was the Chaplain of his collegian. So my best friend talked me into going with Stephen. I really didn’t want to go because I thought it was going to be awkward sitting next to someone I didn’t know. He started talking about the restaurant that he and his brother started in PA (Jones Shakes, Burgers, and Stuff) and how he almost died in a car accident when a cotton candy truck pulled out in front of him. Then when he started talking about how he wants to be in the ministry, and how he wants to serve God... I knew. My heart skipped a beat. I knew I was going to marry him.
2. When did you get saved? I was 5 when I asked Jesus to save me and was baptized the next Sunday
3. Can you share your testimony? I grew up in a Christian home, but honestly, I didn’t live a strong Christian life until I had a heart change around the age of 18. It was then that I rededicated my heart to Christ and repented of my sinful life. One night laying out under the stars just thinking about how big the universe is, and how big God is, I asked God if there was any way He could still use me, that I would be willing to do it. That moment I will never forget - I saw a shooting star. My life has never been the same.
4. How long have you been in the ministry? 4 years and 6 months - we moved the week after we were married to our ministry here in Holyoke.
5. How did you know the Lord wanted you in the ministry? Was it hard for you to submit to that or did you know 100% sure right away that this is what God wanted for your life?  I did not know right away, it was revealed to me in small ways and first I had to accept that I was supposed to marry Stephen. I knew the first time I really talked to him that I was going to marry him someday, but knowing that marrying him would mean that I would be a pastor’s wife made me nervous, and I doubted... for months. When I accepted that that’s what God wanted for my life (after remembering that shooting star) I jumped in completely... and I have not regretted it one bit. God knew exactly the person I needed more than I knew myself.
6. And if you were young, did you have a hard time adjusting because of your age? Did you feel “ready” to be in that position? Did you feel you had a harder time being respected or taken seriously because of your age?   Yes, I did have a difficult time. Not only was I adjusting to my new married life, but I moved from my hometown in South Dakota to a place I’ve never been. I have never been to New England, never saw our church, never met the teens I would be working with, never saw my apartment, until the day I moved there. Needless to say, I trust my husband 100%! But I knew that God was the One that called me there, and all the details would be worked out, and they were! 
7. Once you had children did you find you did less in the ministry and was that hard for you? Yes it was hard to go to all the same activities as I used to, and yes it was hard for me and the girls of the youth group. They loved spending time with me, and having children took away from that time. I have adjusted and I’m able to go to more things now, or I have some girls to the house. I also take them out when I can and Stephen can watch the boys at home.
8. What are some ways you include and involved your children in the ministry?
1. Baby… Jonah stays in the nursery :)
2. Toddler… Jude, also in the nursery, but also enjoys playing with the older kids after church. We also allow him to practice his singing at the pulpit when everyone is gone.
9. Do you ever worry that your children will resent the ministry and what are some ways you try to make it fun for them? My children are very young, so this is not a worry yet. I do know of many stories such as this, but I just try to be faithful in praying for my boys future, and that they will see their parents hearts in serving God, and will want to do the same.
10. What would be the best thing you would tell a mom who is raising her children in the ministry? Pray for them above all. Yes, it may sound cliche but the power of prayer will make up for any human error, and I know myself, I need God’s hand in raising my kids. Be sure to just take time to love on your kids. I’m a young mother to very young children, but the experience I have is mostly from my upbringing as a child. You can never tell them “I love you” too much!
11. Are you naturally a submissive person or do you sometimes have a hard time easily following your husband?  I am more than happy to follow my husband. I trust him completely with the decisions for our family, marriage, and youth group.
12. What do you do to encourage your husband when he is discouraged with the work? I just tell him that when great things are happening for God, there will always be opposition, and that should be an encouragement that he is doing what’s right. When it’s a “burnt out” feeling, we just take a day vacation and renew our spirits, which always helps. We also reflect on how God has already worked in our lives, we see past victories, knowing God still has a work to do, and He is the One Who called us here is the best motivation to keep going.
13. How do you deal with any criticism toward your husband from others? I don’t listen! When I do hear something, I just ignore it. I know that if a tiny seed of bitterness gets planted then it’s just Satan trying to ruin what God’s been working on through us.
14. How do you deal with personal criticisms? Again, I don’t listen. People can/will say what they want about me, but if I know my heart is right with God, I have nothing to worry about. If they are criticizing me in a right way, like from an elder in the church or about something that I’m doing wrong, then that’s completely different.... I am humbled, and I take it for what it is - “a wound from a friend” and try to move on and grow from it.
15. Do you set aside date nights/days with your husband? YES!! I look forward to those!!
16. What is the biggest thing you have learned about being married to a man in the ministry? I have learned to share my husband, and not be selfish and want all his time to myself. That can be very hard sometimes!
17. What are some ways you protect your husband from “those” women in the church? Never alone, talk through me if it’s about music (my husband is also the music director), tell me about any conversations, and pray for my husband’s protection.
18. How do you guard your husband from the “crushes” of teen girls? no private conversations, no council unless I’m with him
19. And how do you guard yourself from the crushes of teen boys? same as above, I don’t “bond” with the guys... that’s my husband’s job. 
20. How do you deal with the parents that are always on their child’s side? Stick to our ground rules, and if need be, talk to the head pastor if we are caught in a compromising position. This happened once with grandparents and their rebellious grandson. We all had a meeting at the church and talked it all out. They ended up taking a step back in their ministry - now, that couple is one of our closest friends at church, and such a big help!
21. How do you deal with the parent that think it is the youth pastor’s job to “raise” their children and blame them when their teen does wrong? We have not encountered this, praise God, but sometimes we feel like it is more our responsibility than at home because 80% of our kids are bus kids and do not have good homes at all. Many have told us we are their second set of parents. It’s very humbling.
22. How do you establish a good youth leader/parent relationship? Communicate! We learned this very early. Our first few months, we had a girl run away from home. Her parents called us to help them find her. We never met her parents before as they were not church members. The dad barely knew any English, so his wife translated for him. She said that he promised God that if we found their daughter alive, that he would start coming to church. After two days, she showed up. The family has been faithful to church ever since, helping in the bus ministry. They trust us because we established a relationship with them. The parents know we are on their side, and are trying to help in the areas where their kids aren’t willing to open up.
23. How do you deal with “clingy” teenagers? (Ya know the ones who are always following you) - yes, we have those! I try to be patient, and watch what I say. It seems the more you are looked up to, the more every word you say is magnified. I try to pair them up with someone that would be a good example for them in the youth group.
24. How do you encourage/help those teens whose parents are not saved and do not attend church? This is the majority of our youth group. Out of 50ish teens, only 5 have mom and dad in church. We pray for them constantly, tell them to never give up, and to always keep a good testimony at home because that could be the only “Bible” they read. Always respect them, even if they don’t agree. Keep inviting them to church, keep talking about the decisions they’ve made for God.
25. How do you feel about parents grounding their kids from teen activities? Mixed on this, it’s happened. But we can’t really tell the parents what to do. I don’t like it if they miss a youth rally because we always could hear more preaching, but if it’s one of our fun activities, then it might be worth the punishment. If there’s a chance I can talk to the parents, we try to work it out so it’s something else.
26. In what ways do you deal with the “drama” of your ministry? The hard things like runaways, drugs, partying, drinking or teen pregnancies? We have had all the above, unfortunately. First, we don’t talk about those involved to anyone else. Stop any rumors if I hear anything. Take that teen out for a day, get ice cream and just try to get them to open up to me. There’s almost always an underlying problem that lead to the big mistakes. Most the time, they have no one to go to that cares, really cares. I want them to see what the Bible says about that sin, but also, they always have hope in God. It’s not over just because they made a mistake. I am able to give a  few examples in my own life, and show them that God truly loves them and wants them to have an amazing life. First - repentance, second- healing, third- forget and move on.
27. How do you encourage unity within your youth group? Welcome the new/younger teens and we highly discourage ‘cliques’ - this being our first youth group, we’ve been blessed with a great bunch of kids on this subject.
28. What is the one thing you would like to get across to the people of your church regarding the youth? Encourage them!! They always hear that they’ll never make it, never graduate, they’re just a bunch of rebellious kids that are disrespectful and full of hate. We need adults to love on them, show them that serving God is not only real fun, but they won’t regret it the next morning. They should be welcomed to church by even the adults, not just the other kids or youth leaders.
29. What is the most DIScouraging thing someone can say to you regarding the youth? “they won’t last” 
30. What do you do with your young children during activities? Bring them? Stay home? Do you have faithful ladies in the church who are willing to help you by watching them? It really depends on the activity. I bring them if i can, if it’s a rally and they have a nursery, I bring them. Sometimes if they are hours away, I’ll stay home with the boys. Yes, there are a couple ladies that are willing to watch the boys, and have done so!
31. What is the most encouraging thing that other ladies in the church can do for you? pray for me, send me an encouraging card or Bible verses
32. What is the most encouraging thing your pastor’s wife can do for you or say to you? I have an amazing pastor’s wife/friend! She gave me a card just to say that I’m doing a good job and it’s a privilege to work along side me. I kept that card.
33. Most Discouraging? I don’t know... anything opposite of above, or bad news about a family in the church
34. Do you and your husband have devotion or prayer time together daily? Not as often as we should. We talk about what we have learned in our personal devos, or something we’ve been praying about and have seen answers. It’s amazing to hear that we have been praying for the same thing and the other not knowing until it was answered for both of us!
35. Do you have a hard time sharing your burdens with your husband in fear that it will discourage him? No, I’m just careful in how I say it, and always make sure the good outweighs the bad... I know I can trust him with anything
36. What do you do to encourage yourself in the Lord? sing, listen to music, get alone, bubble bath, work out, look at old pictures and remember my amazing journey that lead me here, and play with my sons!
37. What is your favorite Scripture? Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart, and lean not on thine own understanding, in all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
38. Do you have a favorite song? I Have Been Blessed, God’s Been Good, Stand Still, What About His Grace, All Along - anything from the Pictures of Grace cd :)
39. What is your biggest struggle in the ministry? I need to schedule my time better, be more outgoing with the girls, I tend to be shy and I don’t want that to appear “stuck up” to the newcomers
40. Do you have find that you are not able to have close lady friends in your church? Sometimes... but I have some really good Godly friends that I count a huge blessing, and they really encourage me.
41. When you are discouraged, do you feel like you can “show” that feeling to ladies in the church? Or do you feel you must be the perfect, happy staff wife? If I’m discouraged, I try my best not to show it as to get sympathy. If anything, I am more quiet, seeking God, trying to find comfort or answers. I go to my pastor’s wife if I need advice if it has to do with someone in the church, or a teen that I don’t know how to deal with. If it’s just a “rut” I’m going through, I just take time alone and try my best to snap out of it. I do not like to put a front on, making everyone think I’m always happy. I want to be known for being real. I pray that God’s joy will always outshine even my bad days!
42. Have you ever made a big mistake or offended someone, and if yes, how did you go about restoring that relationship? I can’t think of any big mistakes, but I know we’ve made small ones and I know we’ve offended people simply through miscommunication. Easiest thing to do is talk to that person. You never know what’s wrong until you go to the source.
43. Do you have other lady ministry friends that you go to for counsel and “venting” purposes? Just my pastor’s wife, which we’ve become very close over the past 4 years
44. What is your favorite way to serve the Lord in your church? I’m known as the church photographer and graphic designer, and I love it!
45. What is the most important thing you want to pass down to your children? to love and serve God with all their hearts is no better way to live
46. In all of your business, how do you fit your personal time in with the Lord each day? Each morning I have my own devotion time. Before I do any chores, graphic art work, turn on computer, I read and pray. I keep a journal of what I learned that day, a verse that jumped out at me, a praise, and something I’m praying about.
47. Other then the Bible, do you have any other books that have helped you along the way? My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers and Glimpses of God by Debi Pryde
48. Out of all that you have learned being in the full time ministry, what is the most important thing you have learned? My ministry is only as strong as my marriage, as my home, as my prayer life.