Husband’s Position-Church Planter/ former pastor
How long have you been married? 16 years on May 25
How many children/grandchildren do you have? How old are
they? I have 7 children. Kylie, our only
girl is 15, Matthew will be 13 in June, Caleb is 10, Silas 6, Titus 4, Joel 2,
and Jedidiah- 3 weeks
1. Where/How did you meet your husband?
We went to school together from K5- 7th grade. Our school was 20 miles East of Springfield,
MO, and after my 7th grade year, my family moved to a town 20 miles
west of Springfield. When we were
seniors in high school we both worked at a hospital in Springfield, and began
dating. That was 19 years ago. =-)
2. When did you get saved? I was saved when I was 4 ½. My grandpa led me to the Lord. My sister and I were outside playing at the
church. My grandpa (our pastor) came out
of the parsonage and asked to talk to me.
He took me inside, sat me on his knee and talked to me about Jesus. We then got down on our knees and I prayed
and asked the Lord to save me. My
grandpa went home to be with the Lord this past August, and I'm so thankful for
him, and many memories, but especially that one!
3. Can you share your testimony? (this is the testimony in our information
packet) I was born to christian parents who faithfully took me to
church, and I was saved when I was 4 ½ years old. I vividly remember sitting on my Grandpa's
lap and him talking to me about Jesus and then kneeling down with him and
asking Jesus to save me. Not long after
I was saved, my parents got divorced, and as a result I went to church some,
but not faithfully again until I was 22 years old. I always had a desire to live a christian
life, and to be in the ministry (though know one would have known it), but it
was all so foreign to me that I never thought I could live that life, or that I
would be good enough for God to use me.
When we were expecting our first child I knew that I didn't want her to
grow up how we were living, and decided that I was going to raise her in
church. I went a few times, but I hated
going alone. My husband told me he would
go after the baby was born. He did go
with me when she was a few weeks old, and from that first time we went I was
ready to be there for everything! After
we became more faithful in church, it wasn't long before I knew that God was
going to call my husband to preach. I
told him that several times to which he would respond that I was crazy and just
trying to change him. I praise the Lord
for my grandma who told me to shut my mouth, and let God call him, and if I
didn't that he would probably never answer the call to preach. Keeping my mouth shut was one of the hardest
things I've ever done, but for 4 years I waited and prayed, and kept my
thoughts to myself. I was in a hurry,
but God knew I needed that time! It was
during those 4 years that God changed my heart to follow my husband, rather
than trying to lead him, and he showed me how good life was when I was willing
to let go, and to be willing to go and to do whatever God called my husband
to. And then in August 2001, he
surrendered. In September we moved to
Oklahoma City, and in January 2002 he started classes at Heartland Baptist Bible
College. It has been an exciting 10+
years, and absolutely the best years of our lives. I'm still not good enough to be in the
ministry, but I'm thankful that God chose to use me and it's Him who enables me
to do what He's called us to do. Ephesians 3:20- Now unto him that
is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think according to
the power that worketh in us,
4. How long have you been in the
ministry? 8 years
5. How did you know the Lord wanted you
in the ministry? Was it hard for you to submit to that or did you know 100%
sure right away that this is what God wanted for your life? As I stated in my testimony I knew for 4
years that God wanted us in the ministry, and really even before that, so I was
ready, and it wasn't hard at all to submit to that.
6. How old were you when you your
husband first held a position of leadership? We had worked in different areas
of the church, but my 1st official position was as church planter/
pastor's wife at the age of 29.
7. And if you were young, did you have a
hard time adjusting because of your age? Did you feel “ready” to be in that
position? Did you feel you had a harder time being respected or taken seriously
because of your age? I didn't have a
hard time adjusting, but then I think that maybe planting a church was easier. I wasn't taking anyone's place, and I was the
one in that position from the time anyone came.
I don't know that I felt “ready”, but I was excited about what God was
doing, and He was so gracious to give us people who loved us back. We had a few bumpy times in Luther, but
overall it was wonderful! ( I was glad
when I turned 30 though b/c there was one lady who would make comments about me
being in my 20s.)
8. Once you had children did you find
you did less in the ministry and was that hard for you? I had 3 children, and found out I was
pregnant with our 4th when we started the church so I don't
know. One thing that I've always loved
is that my husband only expected me to be his wife and a mother to our
children, and things at the church came after that. I was always very active, and did lots of
things, but he also expected other ladies to do stuff too, and he would say
that if someone didn't do it that it just wasn't going to get done, that it
wasn't all up to me. That was always a
blessing to me to not have to be the bad guy, and not be overwhelmed thinking I
had to do it all.
9. What are some ways you included and
involved your children in the ministry?
a. Baby…Always take them with us
everywhere
b. Toddler…take them too, they love door
knocking riding down the sidewalk in their stroller. And older people love it when they come and
visit with you!
c. School age/teens…They helped more as
they got older. They helped us clean,
build our building, visit, set-up, although we didn't have a whole lot of that
b/c we started in a funeral home, and there were already pews. My oldest son was our song-leader on
Wednesday nights when he got old enough, and my daughter would fill in playing
the piano. They were always our ushers
from the time they were about 5. We are
planning on Kylie teaching Sunday School, Matthew leading singing, and all the
boys ushering when we start again. They
love serving, even though I have noticed as they've gotten older it's sometimes
harder b/c they get embarrassed. We also
used all the kids in the church, not just ours.
10. Did you ever worry that your children
would resent the ministry and what are some ways you tried to make it fun for
them? I have always worried about that
b/c of my dad and my aunt and uncles who have resented the ministry b/c my
grandpa put everything at the church before them. But I've used that to learn from, and make
sure we don't repeat that. It's not
always fun, it's a lot of work, and I want them to understand that, but I do
try to remember to take time out to just do something fun, or to make a game
out of our work. One thing I've learned
is that their attitude and opinion about whatever situation we're in is often
what mine is, so I try to have a good attitude.
11. What would be the best thing you
would tell a mom who is raising her children in the ministry? Put them 1st, but also make them
understand that there are times when other people need you, things have to be
done, and that it is a joy to serve the Lord.
Expect your kids to act a certain way and do things b/c they're your kids,
and b/c you love the Lord, and not b/c you're in the ministry and that's what's
expected. I've always told them, it
doesn't matter that we're in the ministry, we would expect you to do and act
this way b/c you're our kids, not b/c of what people think.
12. Are you naturally a submissive person
or do you sometimes have a hard time easily following your husband? I am NOT naturally submissive! I'm prideful and want my own way, and I have
to give it to the Lord. A friend once
told me early in my Christian walk when I really needed it- she said, “I don't
submit to my husband b/c I love my husband, but b/c I love my Lord, and want to
please Him.” I've always remembered
that, and it's been a blessing and a help to me.
13. What do you do to encourage your
husband when he is discouraged with the work?
I usually just say, well what does God want us to do? Did He call us here? Not in an ugly way, but to say, just keep
going on, God knows where we are, and what's going on right now, and he'll get
us through this, too. And I pray for
him, and tell him so. When he's away and
getting ready to preach, or when he's had to meet with people I'll text him or
send him a note to tell him I love him and I'm praying for him.
14. How do deal with any criticism toward
your husband from others? After I get through wanting to poke their eyes out, I
usually just pray for them.
15. How do you deal with personal
criticisms? I 1st examine
myself to see if they might be right. Is
there something I need to change? And I
talk to my husband about it, and if he doesn't think there's a problem, God
doesn't think there's a problem then I
just blow it off, and go on. I can't
control what other people think or say.
16. Do you set aside date nights/days
with your husband? We set aside time
every morning and evening to spend time with each other. And then we go out for lunch and stuff,
too. A lot more now that we have a 15
year old who can watch the other kids!
17. What is the biggest thing you have
learned about being married to a man in the ministry? That he's just a man, and he needs me to encourage
him, and love him. That it's an honor to be used of God serving Him where He's
put us.
18. What are some ways you protect your husband
from “those” women in the church? I warn
him about them. He's also very
careful. He made it very plain to the church
from the pulpit that women were never to come to the church without calling 1st,
and if they did show up he would either ask them to come back later, or he
would leave. He doesn't make visits
alone, and he won't hug any woman, just shakes hands. We're also very seldom not together so that
helps, too.
19. Do you and your husband have devotion
or prayer time together daily? Family
time, not just the 2 of us, although we are planning to.
20. Do you have a hard time sharing your
burdens with your husband in fear that it will discourage him? Sometimes, but not usually. There are a lot of things though that if I'll
just talk to God about 1st I don't find the need to tell anyone
else.
21. What do you do to encourage yourself
in the Lord? Read, pray, sing songs.
Read my prayer journal and remember what God has done in the past, and
what He can do today!
22. What is your favorite Scripture? This is one.
I have several! Ephesians 3:20- Now
unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think
according to the power that worketh in us,
23. Do you have a favorite song? When We See Christ, Farther Along, What a
friend We Have in Jesus
24. What is your biggest struggle in the
ministry? Honestly, I don't have
one. I love the ministry1
25. Do you have find that you are not
able to have close lady friends in your church?
I choose not to. I befriend them
all, but I try not to have any of them be closer than another. But I did do things with all of them at
different times.
26. When you are discouraged, do you feel
like you can “show” that feeling to ladies in the church? Or, do you feel like
you always have to portray the “perfect” happy Pastor’s wife? I have let them see it, I think they all knew
I wasn't perfect-lol. And it was a good
thing b/c when we were going through trials that people knew about they would
often comment on it being a blessing to them about how they saw us draw our
strength from the Lord. I think it helps
people to see that you're as human as them, but equally as important that they
see the Lord in you.
27. Have you ever made a big mistake or
offended someone, and if yes, how did you go about restoring that
relationship? Fortunately there was only
1 big major offence, and although she never fully got over it, I just apologized,
told her I was wrong, that I loved her, and killed her with kindness.
28. Do you have other lady ministry
friends that you go to for counsel and “venting” purposes? Sometimes.
There are ladies who I know I can always go to, and others who God has
brought along in time of need. Many
times I just go to the Lord, and never tell anyone else anything.
29. Other than praying, what
is the most encouraging thing ladies in the church can do for you? Tell me they're praying, cards, taking me out
for my birthday, remembering special days for me and for my kids. Brought food when I was sick, took care of
things so I wouldn't have to. (those are
things ladies in our church did that were a blessing)
30. What is your favorite way
to serve the Lord in your church?
Teaching ladies, and girls, but my very favorite is standing at the door
greeting everyone. I always liked to
make sure I talked to every person there, every service. There wasn't anything I didn't like to do.
31. Do you currently have
special Ladies Bible Study, meetings, or fellowships? No, but only bc we're in between
32. What ways to you
encourage your ladies to get involved in the work of the church? Ask them at 1st to help me do
small jobs that I really don't need help with, but want to include them, and
then eventually they are comfortable just doing it on their own.
33. What is the most
important thing you want to pass down to your children? To love the Lord with all their heart, mind,
body, and soul
34. In all of your business,
how do you fit your personal time in with the Lord each day? It comes 1st. I get up before everyone else so I can spend
time with the Lord and my husband, then I get the kids up.
35. Out of all that you have
learned being in the full time ministry, what is the most important thing you
have learned? To love people and give
them time to grow. Compassion makes a
difference in their lives. When they
know you love them you can teach them the hard things along with the basics.
36. How would you describe the “perfect” Pastor’s
wife? One who loves the Lord, loves her
husband and her children, who is 'real', and loves the people that God gives
her to minister to.
