Mrs. Lindsay Messer- Wife of the Week!

Husband’s Position-Pastor of Bethany Baptist Church Henderson, NV

How long have you been married?  9 years

How many children do you have? How old are they? 4 kids—Avery (6), Mike (4), Olivia (2), Zach- 7 weeks.

1. Where/How did you meet your husband? We met in 2000 at Heartland Baptist Bible College…I thought he was a big goof-off!  Turns out I was right, but he was also an amazing man who became my best friend and then my husband.

2, When did you get saved?  When I was 18, at a camp in Arkansas

3. Can you share your testimony?  It was my last summer in our church’s youth group.  I knew deep down that I wasn’t saved, but never wanted to admit it or even think about it.  I had started becoming bitter about my parents marital issues, and was hanging around with the wrong crowd and headed down a bad path.  I didn’t want to go to the family/teen camp at the end of July, but the other girls at church talked me into it.  I tried to avoid the afternoon services where the teens had their own separate service with very convicting preaching.  But there was one afternoon where I wasn’t needed in the jr church services, so I was forced to sit in the service—and since I had walked in late, I wasn’t sitting near my friends.  A song at the beginning AND the sermon were all directed at me.  I started to realize that God actually loved me and WANTED to have a relationship with me in spite of how I’d been living and behaving.  And that I couldn’t blame my behavior on my parents—God was holding me accountable for my own actions.  That day, July 31^st 1998, I was saved by the grace of God and I have never taken that for granted.  Had it not been for the Lord and his loving kindness and long-suffering, I would be lost, confused, and would certainly not have the life that I now have.

4.  How long have you been in the ministry?  Since June of 2002. My husband has been pastoring for 3 ½ years.

5.  How did you know the Lord wanted you in the ministry? Was it hard for you to submit to that or did you know 100% sure right away that this is what God wanted for your life? I knew not long after I was saved that the Lord wanted me in full-time ministry.  That’s when I decided to go to HBBC.  So no, even though I was very nervous, I knew the Lord would help me through it since that was his plan for me.

6. How old were you when you your husband first held a position of leadership?  We were both 22 yrs old when my husband took his first position as youth pastor under Bro. Dale Webster in Texas. 

7.  And if you were young, did you have a hard time adjusting because of your age? Did you feel “ready” to be in that position? Did you feel you had a harder time being respected or taken seriously because of your age?  It was very tough at first, we weren’t much older than some of the teens in our youth group!  It was hard to gain respect at first from the girls, but once they saw that I held my ground on important matters AND showed them love and support at the same time, they started to listen more and trust me.  I think being the age we were was also a good thing, because we were young and goofy ourselves—our trips and activities were always a lot of fun!

8. Once you had children did you find you did less in the ministry and was that hard for you?  Definitely.  I feel like I always have to apologize for not doing more.  Thankfully the ladies in our church are very understanding and love to help.  I had one lady tell me that my job was taking care of my husband’s needs so that he could do HIS job better.  And she thanked me for doing my job so that my husband could do his.  I appreciated that, it really put things into perspective.  I know that once my kids are a little older, I’ll be able to do a lot more around the church and plan more activities for the ladies.  It’s important to have a good solid group of women to delegate to—it should never be one woman doing everything. 

9.  What are some ways you included and involved your children in the ministry?

-Baby…Um…he makes people smile? Haha J

-Toddler…I make sure my bigger kids are kind, respectful, and helpful to others in the church.  My kids will greet people with a smile, shake their hands (sometimes I have to remind them to not be shy and hide behind me), they also straighten song books and clean up trash off the floor.  I try to help them understand that being part of a church is like being part of a team, and we all pitch in!                                  

11.  What would be the best thing you would tell a mom who is raising her children in the ministry?  Focus on your husband, kids and home first!   If those things aren’t in order, nothing you do at the church will be either.  Your husband and kids need to be happy and healthy for things to run smoothly.  Don’t over-work yourself.  Let others help out, even if things aren’t done exactly the way you want. 

12.  Are you naturally a submissive person or do you sometimes have a hard time easily following your husband?  I am most definitely NOT naturally submissive.  It’s something I have to work on constantly.  I have a great husband who makes smart decisions for our family, and I have to remind myself of that.  I’ve learned to give my opinion in a polite way, but remembering that it’s up to him.

13.  What do you do to encourage your husband when he is discouraged with the work?  I remind him that the Lord has always gotten us through rough situations, and that things usually don’t seem so bad the next day.

14.  How do deal with any criticism toward your husband from others?   This really hasn’t happened too much to us since he’s been pastoring.  If someone has an issue, they usually just go straight to him and he deals with it.  And likewise, if someone came to me complaining about my husband, I would direct them to him so they could work it out properly.

15.  How do you deal with personal criticisms?  I would simply sit down with that person one on one and see what the problem is and what I can do to make it better.  Usually just talking things through makes people feel so much better!

16.  Do you set aside date nights/days with your husband?  Definitely!  It’s tougher the more kids we have, but we do it.

17.  What is the biggest thing you have learned about being married to a man in the ministry?  That I have to “share” him! 

18.   What are some ways you protect your husband from “those” women in the church?  Well thankfully so far we don’t have any of “those” women yet.  Since men can sometimes be oblivious to flirting, I’d probably mention that so-and-so is getting a little too close and he needs to be aware of it.  And then I’d probably stay at his side a little more the next time we’re at church!

19.  Do you and your husband have devotion or prayer time together daily?  Not daily.  This is something I’ve been thinking about lately, and we really need to set aside time for that.

20.  Do you have a hard time sharing your burdens with your husband in fear that it will discourage him?  Sometimes.  It’s hard because I don’t want to discourage him, but at the same time I don’t want to keep things bottled up. 

21.  What do you do to encourage yourself in the Lord?   Listen to good Godly music!

22.  What is your favorite Scripture?  One of my favorites is Proverbs 30:8,9 “Remove far from me vanity and lies; give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me: Lest I be full, and deny thee and say, Who is the Lord? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain.”   

23.  Do you have a favorite song?  There is a song called Don’t Be Afraid, it’s on our Legacy Five “Songs We Used to Sing” CD.  It lifts me up every time!

24.  What is your biggest struggle in the ministry?  TIME!  Sometimes I wish days had at least 5 extra hours in them!

25.  Do you have find that you are not able to have close lady friends in your church?  To a point.  Steve has 2 sisters in the church that I am fairly close with, and I feel like I can open up with them more since they are family.

26.  When you are discouraged, do you feel like you can “show” that feeling to ladies in the church? Or, do you feel like you always have to portray the “perfect” happy Pastor’s wife?  I think it’s good that people see us as normal people with normal human emotions.  No one appreciates a fake plastered smile, and people are smart enough to see through it.  I think showing discouragement, as long as it doesn’t bring shame to your husband or family, and you’re not revealing personal too-personal information, shows that you have a heart…and we ALL need encouragement once in a while.

27.  Have you ever made a big mistake or offended someone, and if yes, how did you go about restoring that relationship?  There was one time where I asked something of someone, and they totally showed everyone how disappointed they were.  It was a little odd, so a few days later I took that person aside and asked why they had been upset.  It was really just a misunderstanding, and they felt terrible for how they had behaved.  I felt bad that I didn’t explain myself better.  We both apologized and hugged!

28.  Do you have other lady ministry friends that you go to for counsel and “venting” purposes?  Yes, there are a couple of ladies that I can chat with about ministry “stuff” and I think that’s important for every lady in the ministry.  We understand each other, and it’s nice to not have to vent to our husbands and wear them down!

29.  Other than praying, what is the most encouraging thing ladies in the church can do for you?   A hug is wonderful!  Or sometimes the other ladies will tell me I look lovely, or they’ll tell me they just love my husband’s preaching.  Those things leave a big smile on my face!

30.  What is your favorite way to serve the Lord in your church?  Singing!  We’re still working on getting special music together, and hopefully we’ll have a choir soon.

31.  Do you currently have special Ladies Bible Study, meetings, or fellowships?  Sometimes, more once the fall/winter is here.  We have so many families out of town at different times during the summer and it makes it very hard. 

32. What ways to you encourage your ladies to get involved in the work of the church?  I make sure I tell them thank you and how much I appreciate them when they do help.  They are more likely to help out more when they feel needed and appreciated.  My husband encourages everyone from the pulpit to get involved and how much the Lord will bless them when they do—that helps the most!         

33. What is the most important thing you want to pass down to your children?  To love the Lord, and no matter what they do in life to make sure they allow God to lead them.   

34. In all of your business, how do you fit your personal time in with the Lord each day?  It has to be first thing in the morning!  If the kids are all up, I will put on a cartoon and they are very respectful of my time when I’m reading/praying.  My day goes so much better when the first part of it is spent with the Lord.  Of course, I might have to nurse a baby or change a diaper first but I think God understands!

35. Out of all that you have learned being in the full time ministry, what is the most important thing you have learned?  That people NEED love and encouragement.  We can have church, then lock up and go home and go about our week until the next service.  But even just a little note, a card, an email, a phone call, and invite to go out for breakfast, can make a person’s WEEK!  I was talking to a sweet lady at church on Sunday morning, and somehow our conversation let me to say “Well my husband and I just love having you in our church.  Your smile really lights up the room, and just walking into church and seeing you here feels like a breath of fresh air!”  (And I meant every word, she is an awesome lady.)  And she started blushing and smiling, and then even got a few tears in her eyes.  It’s amazing how much we can help and encourage one another so easily.  I try to remind myself that if I THINK something kind in my head about someone, to make sure and TELL them.

36. How would you describe the “perfect” Pastor’s wife?  That’s a tough one!  I could list a million things like always being on time, always available to help out in any area, always organized, an amazing decorator, teacher, singer, wife, mom, etc etc.  But really, if a pastor’s wife was perfect in every way, that would be a downfall!  People need to see that we are NOT perfect, and that we are a work in progress.  Could you imagine how discouraging it would be for the women in a church to constantly try to be like the pastor’s wife only to fail?  If they see me with a fault that I try to overcome, and they see me getting better and better at it, that gives them hope that with prayer and time they can overcome those things that are holding them down too!  And we can share those failures and how we are working on them as a testimony to what the Lord can do in a person’s life. 

10. Do you ever worry that your children would resent the ministry and what are some ways you tried to make it fun for them?  I do worry sometimes, because I know so many preachers kids that ended up rebelling and having nothing to do with God.  The best advice I’ve been given is to make sure that they know the church does not come before them.  We have family days where we’ll do something fun like Chuck E. Cheese or the park and a picnic.  We try to have little family get-aways to the beach, and we make it all about the kids.  As far as making the ministry fun, I don’t really have to do anything at this point—they really have a blast at church.  They love the other kids, and they love Sunday School.  Before we leave for church, I smile and say “Who wants to go to church??”  And they’ll yell, “I DO!!”  My 2-yr old yells the loudest!