Husband’s Position- Pastor at Fundamental Baptist Church in Alvarado, Texas
How long have you been married? We will celebrate our 9th anniversary this November.
How many children/grandchildren do you have? How old are they? We have three boys: Joshua (7), Jacob (5) and Jason (2). My youngest sister, Cheryl (16), lives with us too.
1. Where/How did you meet your husband? I met my husband my freshman year of high school during summer marching band camp in 1998. I was 14 & he was 17. He called & asked me to be his girlfriend on May 3, 1999…. I guess you can figure out what my answer was ;)
2. When did you get saved? My pastor’s wife led me to the Lord on a Wednesday night in April 2000. I was 15 years old.
3. Can you share your testimony? Not really sure where to start. I grew up with a very “charismatic” church background. I never really knew exactly what I believed (it always seemed to be changing with each new preacher I heard) & I was very confused about many things concerning God & church. Around the time my parents separated in 1999, I began attending Fundamental Baptist Church (because I liked this one boy, lol). I asked the preacher & preacher’s wife questions after nearly every sermon as the Holy Spirit worked in my heart to reveal my lost condition & need of a Saviour. About 6 months later, I got saved! That boy I mentioned that I liked also accepted Jesus as his Saviour just two months later. Two years later we were married & off the Heartland Baptist Bible College in Oklahoma City. After graduation my husband served as a youth pastor in Fort Worth, TX for about a year & then we came back to our home church. A couple years later, because of health problems, our pastor resigned & our home church called my husband as pastor. It is both an honor & extremely humbling for my husband to pastor the church he grew up in since he was two years old. Our church is very special to us: it is where both my husband & I were saved & baptized, where we were married, where all three of our children were dedicated to the Lord, where our oldest two boys were saved…. I can’t wait to see what all God is going to add to this growing list of why FBC is so dear to us! God is far too good to the Calaways!
4. How long have you been in the ministry? 8 years
5. How did you know the Lord wanted you in the ministry? Was it hard for you to submit to that or did you know 100% sure right away that this is what God wanted for your life? The summer after I was saved, I went to youth camp. I have my journal that I took notes in during the preaching that week. Each lesson I wrote something like, “Could God ever use me to be a preacher’s wife? …Will I be the one? …I just want God to use me.” I knew God wanted me to be a preacher’s wife, but I didn’t make any public decision. (This is going to sound so immature, but hey, I was just 16 and such a baby Christian)…. I didn’t go forward during camp because I had this boyfriend that wasn’t called to preach. He was about to go to a local secular college & study music. I was sure he was THE ONE for me & if he wasn’t going to be a preacher, then how could I be a preacher’s wife? I knew this boy loved me too. I didn’t want my boyfriend to all of the sudden say he was called to preach just because I felt the Lord calling me to be a preacher’s wife. So I never said anything to anyone for a whole year! Then it was church camp time again. The Lord continued to speak to my heart about surrendering to His ministry. Again, I didn’t go forward. I tried to convince myself I was just getting “caught up” in the moment at camp. After I came home from camp, the most unexpected thing happened: that boy I liked so much announced that God had called him to preach & he was going to Bible college in the fall!!! What? Really?!!!! 5 months later he asked me to marry him…. Well, DUH! J And here we are. I am in awe at how God works. Ain’t God good? ;)
6. How old were you when your husband first held a position of leadership? I was 19; he was 22.
7. And if you were young, did you have a hard time adjusting because of your age? Did you feel “ready” to be in that position? Did you feel you had a harder time being respected or taken seriously because of your age? Yes. No. Yes. J These scriptures help me when Satan attacks in this area:
a. Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity. – 1 Timothy 4:12
b. Then the word of the LORD came unto me, saying, Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. Then said I, Ah, Lord GOD! behold, I cannot speak: for I am a child. But the LORD said unto me, Say not, I am a child: for thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee, and whatsoever I command thee thou shalt speak. Be not afraid of their faces: for I am with thee to deliver thee, saith the LORD. Then the LORD put forth his hand, and touched my mouth. And the LORD said unto me, Behold, I have put my words in thy mouth. – Jeremiah 1:4-9
c. …for he was but a youth, and ruddy, and of a fair countenance. – 1 Samuel 17:42(b)
8. Once you had children did you find you did less in the ministry and was that hard for you? I don’t know what it is like to not have kids while in the ministry because our oldest was born 3 months before my husband graduated from college. I make a conscious effort to not use my children as an excuse to not do the work the Lord has called our family to do. I am continually looking for ways to teach & train my children how to serve the Lord WITH Mommy & Daddy.
9. What are some ways you included and involved your children in the ministry?
a. Baby… We just take them everywhere we go, especially to visit with widows & shut-ins.
b. Toddler… Have them shake hands with our members as they leave after services. Our people always smile when our boys shake their hands or give a high five. Our youngest loves to help set out the offering plates. Also, if they can make a mess dragging out all the toys, they can put away all the toys! Teach them everything has a place. Let all things be done decently and in order. – 1 Corinthians 14:40
c. School age… Teach them to sing with our family for specials as soon as they are able. Our boys help bring the trash cans in from the street, receive the offering, lead the pledges during Sunday school assembly, water plants and they help fill & clean the baptistery as needed. We encourage my sister to sing specials, play the piano & clarinet, and help in the nursery & Sunday school classes when needed. We also encourage them to quote scripture passages during evening services.
10. Do you ever worry that your children will resent the ministry and what are some ways you tried to make it fun for them? Yes, I do worry about that. My husband & I try not to complain about anything remotely related to the church or ministry in front of our children. Each day I do make it a point to say in front of my children, “Thank You, Lord, for making us a preacher’s family!” I tell them how God has a very special plan for our family & a job that only the Calaways can do. I also don’t force/make them do anything “extra” just because they are the preacher’s kids. If they don’t want to sing a special with Mommy & Daddy, we don’t make them. If they don’t want to set out the offering plates, they don’t have to. We don’t make them shake everyone’s hands at the doors as they leave (however, they do have to shake at least 5 people’s hands before running to the gym to play). They don’t have to quote scripture in “big church”… but we make a big deal when they do! We want their service to be sincere & from the heart. I make sure each day I tell them individually, “I’m so proud of you!” I recently read this quote: “God is Light. In Him there is no darkness at all. In His parenting there is no flaw. But despite His perfect fatherhood, His children rebel.” I love gleaning parenting wisdom from older preachers & their wives as well.
11. What would be the best thing you would tell a mom who is raising her children in the ministry? Love your kids. Love their daddy more. Love the Lord the most. And make sure your kids know it! Remember, love is spelled T-I-M-E.
12. Are you naturally a submissive person or do you sometimes have a hard time easily following your husband? I think I am a naturally submissive person. I often think of the song, Wherever He Leads, I’ll Go, and I know when I follow my husband’s leadership, I am following my God.
13. What do you do to encourage your husband when he is discouraged with the work? Tell the kids to be quiet ;) Seriously. That helps. I recently read this quote: “Sometimes the most spiritual advice a preacher’s or missionary’s wife can give her husband is to urge that he rest.”
14. How do deal with any criticism toward your husband from others? Boxing gloves? J I don’t ever confront those that criticize nor do I feel the need to defend my husband to them. I don’t think it is my place. If the criticism is spoken directly to me, I just tell the criticizer, “Well, that’s something to pray about. I’m thankful He’s still workin’ on me too.”
15. How do you deal with personal criticisms? Cry & pray…. And pray some more. I spend a lot of time evaluating myself to see if there be any truth to the criticism & pray that the Lord helps me change if need be. I always want to have a teachable spirit.
16. Do you set aside date nights/days with your husband? Annually for our anniversary, does that count? LOL!
17. What is the biggest thing you have learned about being married to a man in the ministry? He’s God’s man, not mine.
18. What are some ways you protect your husband from “those” women in the church? I tell my husband immediately if I have the slightest uneasy feeling. He has always cautiously heeded my warnings. I also do my best to make sure he can daily rejoice with the wife of his youth (Proverbs 5:18). I try to take good care of my personal appearance, our children & our home. I want him to be proud of me & our life together. I love the scent of vanilla. I wear vanilla perfume & I also burn vanilla candles in our home each day. One day when we were out, my husband made the comment in a store, “This smells like home. Wonder why?” It was the vanilla! Ever since then I try to do little things each day that appeal to all his senses, hoping to make an impression & serve as a reminder to him when he is away from home that he already has the best life/wife…. No need to look elsewhere! J
19. Do you and your husband have devotion or prayer time together daily? Just me & him, no. However, our whole family prays together at bedtime each evening.
20. Do you have a hard time sharing your burdens with your husband in fear that it will discourage him? No, not really. We talk about everything with each other. I think it helps us know how to pray for and encourage one another. We are not in this alone. We are a team, a partnership.
a. Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. – Proverbs 27:17
b. Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do. – 1 Thessalonians 5:11
c. Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
d. Bear ye one another's burdens… – Galatians 6:2(a)
21. What do you do to encourage yourself in the Lord? Read: my bible, publications like The Baptist Times, this blog & others like it, cards/letters people have given to me
22. What is your favorite Scripture? And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven. – Luke 7:48. I love knowing that my literal voice travels all the way to heaven and into the very ears of God when I pray. In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried to my God: and he did hear my voice out of his temple, and my cry did enter into his ears. – 2 Samuel 22:7. God is just far too good to us, always pouring out undeserved blessings! Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits, even the God of our salvation. Selah. – Psalms 68:19
23. Do you have a favorite song? It Is Well With My Soul, I Can Go In, The Judgment
24. What is your biggest struggle in the ministry? Feeling inadequate. Wondering why God would ever use me? Balancing/managing my time.
25. Do you find that you are not able to have close lady friends in your church? I don’t desire to be closer to any one particular lady than another…. That would not be wise. However, I do try to have as close of a relationship as each individual lady will allow. I want them to know that I care about each of them, not just as a whole (my church ladies), but as unique individuals.
26. When you are discouraged, do you feel like you can “show” that feeling to ladies in the church? Or, do you feel like you always have to portray the “perfect” happy Pastor’s wife? I’m not sure I know how to word my answer to this question, but I will do my best. I think it is good for the ladies to see that I am human & that I am not immune to life’s difficulties. Often the Lord allows us to go through hard times so that we might better understand & encourage our sisters in Christ. I try never to complain to the ladies about ministry or home life.
27. Have you ever made a big mistake or offended someone, and if yes, how did you go about restoring that relationship? I’m sure I have offended others far more often than I am aware. I would go directly to the person & ask for forgiveness. I never say, “Sorry IF I hurt/offended you.” If you have to apologize, then YES, you did in fact hurt/offend them. Don’t say “if”. It makes it seem like you don’t really think you did hurt/offend them. Instead I say, “Sorry that I offended you by doing/saying…… Could find it in your heart to please forgive me? I’m truly sorry my actions hurt/offended you.” Sometimes, even when you’re not really in the wrong, it’s best to apologize simply for the sake of restoring harmony to the relationship. Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! – Psalms 133:1
28. Do you have other lady ministry friends that you go to for counsel and “venting” purposes? Yes. In our area we have monthly dinners (no preaching at these meetings, just eating & fellowship) with about 10 other ministry families. These dinners have been a HUGE blessing to me! I’ve also enjoyed getting better acquainted with other ministry wives on Facebook.
29. Other than praying, what is the most encouraging thing ladies in the church can do for you? I have felt most encouraged when I receive a card or letter in the mail from one of our ladies. It means so much to me that they took the time to send a sweet note to me. When they complement my children, my heart swells. I don’t think they realize how much of a blessing their kind words can be.
30. What is your favorite way to serve the Lord in your church? I enjoy singing specials & preparing for ladies’ meetings.
- Do you currently have special Ladies Bible Study, meetings, or fellowships? Yes. About a year & a half ago we started having monthly ladies’ meetings. We meet on the last Saturday of each month at 10am. We call it our monthly C.I.A. Meeting (Christians In Action). During our C.I.A. Meetings we have congregational singing, play a game & win prizes, & then I present a Bible lesson & a specific challenge/assignment to practical application of the lesson. Each C.I.A. Meeting is designed to minister to 3 vital areas of your spiritual life: There is a time for me (the devotion & lesson), a time for us (the fellowship after the devotion/lesson time) & a time for Him (the time we spend practicing & sharing what we learned). We also have women’s Bible study at 10am on the 2nd & 4th Tuesday of each month. We just finished a year-long study on Proverbs 31. The ladies were challenged to memorize Proverbs 31:10-31 as we studied it. Now the ladies are taking turns comparing & contrasting 10 different women of the Bible to the virtuous woman. I also try to take the ladies to a retreat or two each year. We also have an annual Mother’s Day banquet.
32. What ways do you encourage your ladies to get involved in the work of the church? I post “JOIN THE C.I.A.” posters everywhere (kitchen, bathroom stalls, hallways, etc.)! It’s bright pink paper with a calendar of upcoming church events. I always put out sign-up sheets for even the littlest of things. We had C.I.A. t-shirts, C.I.A. tote bags & C.I.A. business cards made…. You’d be surprised how little things like that create excitement!
33. What is the most important thing you pray to pass down to your daughters? I don’t have any daughters… yet ;) For my sons, I hope to teach them to love God, His Word & His people. I want them to want what Mommy & Daddy have…. a personal, real relationship with Jesus Christ. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. – 3 John 1:4
34. In all of your business, how do you fit your personal time in with the Lord each day? I do my Bible reading in the morning or afternoon. Usually after everyone goes to bed at night, I stay up and just talk with the Lord for a long while. I’m a night owl & my late night talks all alone with my Heavenly Father are most precious to me. I try to pick a specific verse each day that I read in scripture to thank the Lord for each day. As a mom, I feel most proud when I hear/see my children repeating what I have taught them that day….. I think God likes to know I too am paying attention when He speaks. ;)
35. Out of all that you have learned being in the full time ministry, what is the most important thing you have learned? Always have a servant’s heart…. At church & home.
36. How would you describe the “perfect” Pastor’s wife? Not me, but I’d love to meet her….. I have a TON of questions! ;)
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