Mrs. Lynne Carney...Wife of the Week!

Husband’s Position- My husband is the Pastor at Lighthouse Baptist Church in Holbrook, Massachusetts.

How long have you been married?  We have been married 18 ½ years.

How many children/grandchildren do you have? How old are they? We have three sons: Sean, 15; TJ, 13; Matthew, 10; and we have one daughter, Katie, 19 months.

1.      Where/How did you meet your husband? We met in January of 1993 while working at the Lighthouse Children’s Home in Kosciusko, Mississippi.

2.      When did you get saved?  I received Christ as my Saviour in 1977.

3.      Can you share your testimony?  I grew up in a Pastor’s home so I heard the Gospel at a young age.  One Sunday afternoon as we came in the house from church, I told my father, “Daddy, I need a Saviour.”  As he walked through the kitchen he said, “Well, we all do, Lynne,” and he kept on walking.  Thinking back, I know he must not have thought I knew what I was talking about.  I then said, “But, Daddy, I’m lost.”  Then, he knew I understood.  I believed Christ died for me and rose again and I received Christ as my Saviour that afternoon. 

4.      How long have you been in the ministry?  My father has been a pastor since I was two years old, but apart from that, I started serving the Lord on my own about 20 years ago.

5.      How did you know the Lord wanted you in the ministry? Was it hard for you to submit to that or did you know 100% sure right away that this is what God wanted for your life? I surrendered to the Lord at the age of 14.  I did go through a period of time when I forgot that I promised to serve him, but he still directed in my life so that I finally did start serving him the summer of 1992 when I was 21 years old.

6.      How old were you when you your husband first held a position of leadership?  I was 22 years old.

7.      And if you were young, did you have a hard time adjusting because of your age? Did you feel “ready” to be in that position? Did you feel you had a harder time being respected or taken seriously because of your age?  Whatever difficulties I had due to my age, it did not last long.  I think I did feel like I was not ready to be on my own after we started our first church.  The missionary family we were helping had to leave so we were on our own.  I did begin to feel like I was in over my head, but that passed with time.

8.      Once you had children did you find you did less in the ministry and was that hard for you?  The opportunities to serve were there.  They were just very specific to one or two things.  I taught Sunday school if someone was in the nursery to keep the kids.  I held Bible studies during the kids nap times.  There were ministry opportunities that were more suited to my husband or some other church worker.  There were other times when I needed to concentrate on being wife and mother and if I could keep up with a ministry then I would lead or participate in that ministry.

9.      What are some ways you included and involved your children in the ministry?

a.      Baby… I planned the nursery list while we were missionaries.  I was a nursery worker.  Sometimes I would keep church kids so their parents could go to Bible studies or visitation.  I taught Sunday school for a while.

b.      Toddler… I continued to teach Sunday school.  Sometimes I took the kids with me to hand out tracts or make visits.  The elderly people at our church in Hungary liked it when we came for a visit.

c.       School age/teens…  My sons continue to go on visitation on Saturday mornings.  They also help with the sound system and recording church services.  They also help in junior church.  They serve as door greeters on occasions.  They also have taken the offering when we had no usher available.

10.  Did you ever worry that your children would resent the ministry, and what are some ways you tried to make it fun for them?  I might have worried about it when we were in Hungary.  They always loved coming back to the United States, but now that we live here, I do not think they have any resentment at all.  Hopefully, we will never see any resentment.

11.  What would be the best thing you would tell a mom who is raising her children in the ministry?  They need to be available to the ministry that the family is in, but when the time comes, God will call them individually or he will not.  Do not put a call on their life that is not God’s will.

12.  Are you naturally a submissive person or do you sometimes have a hard time easily following your husband?  “I wish I could say I was naturally submissive.  I have always liked doing my own thing, but I have learned that God blesses a submissive wife.  A man cannot be a good pastor if his wife is not following him as best she can.  A wife and especially a pastor’s wife should also remember that the husband is not without a “great” commandment.  I do not mention this because we need to remind our husband of the commandment, but that we may feel like we have a tough job being submissive, but God tells them, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”  That is a pretty tall order to follow.  We simply have to assume he is fulfilling God’s command to love us, and then we should obey our command to be submissive.  God will protect us if we are doing what he wants us to do.  Many wives have to endure husbands who are lost.  We are not really suffering if we have to submit to our saved, Bible preaching husband.

13.  What do you do to encourage your husband when he is discouraged with the work?  I laughed when I read this one because the first thing I thought of was his favorite meal or dessert.  I might cook his favorite meal or do a little something extra to make the house look nice or I might ask him if there is anything I can do for him.  

14.  How do deal with any criticism toward your husband from others? I try to ignore it.  People often speak without thinking or speak too soon so I just try to ignore it or give them the benefit of the doubt.  Where there are people, there will be criticism.

15.  How do you deal with personal criticisms?  It is harder to ignore personal criticism.  First, I consider the source.  It may not be valid.  If I think the criticism is valid I might try to do something to make things better, otherwise I just ignore it.  We are in the ministry to please the Lord, not every church member.  If we do that, we will be pulled in too many different directions.

16.  Do you set aside date nights/days with your husband?  My husband has Mondays off so we often spend time together that day.  The kids have always had a set bedtime so we have time together after they are asleep to talk about the day, go for a walk, or even go out now that they are older.

17.  What is the biggest thing you have learned about being married to a man in the ministry?  He has an awesome responsibility to KNOW God’s Word inside and out.  We too need to have a good knowledge of the Bible, but he needs private study time so he can be ready for all kinds of questions at any moment.  In addition, his time is not his own.  I have to be prepared to change plans because he needs to do some last minute counseling or visiting.

18.  What are some ways you protect your husband from “those” women in the church?  I have to borrow some of my answer to this question from my mission’s teacher.  She always reminded us that we need to keep ourselves looking pretty, neat, and well groomed even on days when we have no plans to go anywhere.  In doing so, “those” women will always see us as trying to please our husband.  In other areas, my husband never considers counseling with any women unless I am in the counseling session also.  Letting the women in the church know that you are aware of your husband’s schedule and where he is or where he is going to be, is also a great way to do that.  Because we live next to the church, there have been occasions when my husband has specifically asked me not to go home without him because someone was still at church.  We have not really had a problem in this area yet. 

19.  Do you and your husband have devotion or prayer time together daily? We pray together, but our devotion time is generally with the kids too. He and I often sit and talk about a sermon I might have missed.  My husband has a talking Bible on his I pad.  Sometimes he takes the boys and has devotion with them and they listen to the Bible read; my daughter and I go off together to her room, we sing, and I might read to her from the Bible. I personally like getting up early and having prayer and devotion time before anyone else gets up.

20.  Do you have a hard time sharing your burdens with your husband in fear that it will discourage him?  Fortunately, my husband is a good listener/communicator.  I can talk to him, but lately I have found it better to take it to the Lord and things usually work out without bringing it to my husband’s attention.

21.  What do you do to encourage yourself in the Lord? I love to listen to good conservative Christian music:  the John Marshall Family’s CDs and tapes, I also listen to preaching CDs and other Christian music CDs.  We use devotionals from Mercy and Truth Ministries.  I like to read them and study them. 

22.  What is your favorite Scripture? Psalms 16:11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

23.  Do you have a favorite song? It would be a tossup between “The Glory of Your Presence” and “He Made It Again” both by Deborah Marshall Wells.  It would be too hard to say what my favorite hymn is, maybe I Sing the Mighty Power of God.

24.  What is your biggest struggle in the ministry?  I would have to say the biggest struggle comes when we counseling with people who have morality problems or addiction problems.  Ignorance is bliss, but it is not always possible.

25.  Do you have find that you are not able to have close lady friends in your church? I find that it is good to try to be friendly with all of the ladies in the church, but not to be too close to any one person.   You will naturally be closer to some than others because you may serve together in some specific ministry where you are together more. 

26.  When you are discouraged, do you feel like you can “show” that feeling to ladies in the church? Or, do you feel like you always have to portray the “perfect” happy Pastor’s wife?  It is enough that they know not everything is perfect, but I find it best not to bear your soul to someone unless you have known them long enough to know you can take them into your confidence.  People cannot keep a secret long.

27.  Have you ever made a big mistake or offended someone, and if yes, how did you go about restoring that relationship?  I have not offended anyone that did not appreciate a simple “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that; done that; whatever.”

28.  Do you have other lady ministry friends that you go to for counsel and “venting” purposes?  I do.  My mother is still a pastor’s wife.  I go to her because she can tell me whether a problem is worth worrying about or not.

29.  Other than praying, what is the most encouraging thing ladies in the church can do for you? A note from time to time is always an encouragement.  I also appreciate it when people want to do things with my kids.

30.  What is your favorite way to serve the Lord in your church?  I am in no way an accomplished pianist, but I enjoy filling in at the piano.  Most of all I enjoy working the altar and leading a soul to Christ.

31.  Do you currently have special Ladies Bible Study, meetings, or fellowships?  Right now, we meet twice a year:  Mother’s Day and Christmas.  Sometimes I give a devotion, at other times I have asked someone else to do it like an area pastor’s wife or a visiting missionary wife.  We also go to Ladies Fellowships at other churches. 

32.  What ways to you encourage your ladies to get involved in the work of the church?  This is the toughest thing about being in the ministry.  It can be difficult to convince people that they are at church to contribute rather than to soak everything in like a sponge.  The one area we are promoting now is visitation.  We remind them that the more people who participate the more encouraging it is for those who come out.  When a person shows up and there are only two or three people there, it is discouraging, but when 10 or 12 come out it is so encouraging.

33.  What is the most important thing you want to pass down to your children?  The most important thing in life is to love God and to do what God wants you to do.

34.  In all of your business, how do you fit your personal time in with the Lord each day?  Most of the time I am up early.  I sometimes read my Bible and pray, if I am pressed for time, and do not get to be by myself, I take the baby into her room and let her play while I read my Bible and pray.

35.  Out of all that you have learned being in the full time ministry, what is the most important thing you have learned?  The job of a pastor’s wife is not a one size fits all description.   My job is to do what my husband needs me to do so that he can do his job.  Sometimes I have been a part of several ministries; at other times, it was necessary for me just to be wife and mother. 

36.   How would you describe the “perfect” Pastor’s wife?  The perfect Pastor’s wife has a pleasant look on her face if not a smile on her face.  That is too hard to do all the time. J She is ready to ask if someone needs help.  She has the law of kindness in her tongue and she is not critical of others especially other pastor’s wives.  She is there for her husband first, her children second and the church after that.