our church plant journey- 9 years later

It's really crazy how fast time goes. 9 years ago tomorrow we had our first service of the church we planted.

          In October of 2006, my husband and I both went forward to pray at invitation time about God's will for our lives. We had just heard a sermon on church planting, One of many that we had already heard in our lives.
          We both grew up in a church that had a strong heart for church planting and were blessed with a Pastor (Pastor Dan Smith) with a burden to see churches start churches. We both were involved in several church plants through our home church, Buckley Road Baptist in Liverpool, NY. We both had a desire and burden to one day come back "home" to NY and plant a church.
         At the time we were serving in Kansas. My husband was the Associate/Youth pastor and we loved it. We were paid well. Had little responsibility (which we did not realize until later, haha) and some good friends. We were content and happy. We loved the teens and spending time with them. They were our life and we saw God do some wonderful things there. We both started feeling....I don't know how you say it...uneasy? ready? Just that feeling you get when you are ready to move on. Looking back I am 100% sure that it was the Lord preparing our hearts for a big transition.
        So anyways- back to the altar. We both prayed that God would give us direction. Either make us content where we were serving and take away any desire to plant a church OR to make the desire so strong and His will so obvious that we wouldn't miss it. We went home that night with not much talk about it.
      The VERY next day I came home from my part time job at our small town's library (best job ever!, lol) and my husband was in thinking mode. I was like, "What's up?" And he said, "My dad called. BRBC (our home church) wants to plant a church in Binghamton. He already called a couple other guys and they said no. So he decided to call me and see if we were interested." I was like. "What!? Are you serious?? I hope you told him yes!" And he said, "Barb. We need to think about it and pray about it." I was like, "huh? we already did. last night!" (Duh!)
       I will say I am blessed with a husband who does not make quick, hasty decisions, unlike myself. :) It's a good thing I have him;) But at this time, I felt and knew in my heart that this WAS the answer. It was the day after we asked the Lord to show us and BAM. Here we were! So- anyways my spiritual husband prayed about it and came to the same conclusion that I already had days before that yes! This was indeed what God had for us!
       Now I had only ever been to Binghamton one time. My husband was there once for a Teen activity to a hockey game, so we had no clue about the area, the people, anything. So on Halloween, less than a month after we decided to move, we were in our car on our way to our new ministry. We had our dog, cat, and our 15 month old daughter. We were ready to take on Binghamton.
       In my mind, I envisioned us starting the church and having like 100 people in the first year. I knew of several church planters that struggled over the years but still I was thinking that we had this in the bag, haha I was like, "We have great personalities, Who wouldn't love us!?" Yeah. About that....church planting and youth pastoring aren't even in the same league. :)
       We really had no clue what we were getting in to, which is probably a good thing. We never went on deputation. We didn't have a bunch of materials and sound equipment. We had some chairs, a pulpit, an electric piano, and some hymn books. What more could you need? :) We had some financial support from our home church and that was it. (A couple months later we were able to go to the college we both graduated from's home missions conference and raise enough support in that meeting that my husband did not have to get a second job right away A huge, huge blessing!) We moved in with my in-laws because we didn't have a place to live. I knew one song on the piano in chords that we could sing. (And we sang it a lot!) We had only gone on visitation for a day. We had basically never even been to this Binghamton place that we were called to! It was so exciting though! Home missions! This was it. Our dream coming true! I was 22 and he was 25. Less than a week after moving to NY, we had our very first service. We had a teeny room that we would meet in that was in a big, old high school.

This was the room before we set it up...

Ok, my eyes just filled with tears as that uploaded! Look how small that is!? The picture was taken from the doorway. That was it. We packed it out at our first service with 12 whole people!! I literally couldn't believe people actually showed up. I felt like we were 10 years old playing church. Is that weird? It was just so unreal! Felt too good to be true. A few months later we were able to move to a "big" room across the hall.

We remodeled it a few months after that and were able to use the other half as a nursery! And even had a bathroom in there. Which was great because we were having to go early and clean these really gross ones down the hall.

       From that first day we started right into full services. SS, AM, PM, and Thursday night services. We, unlike some church planters who just start with a Bible study, just went all in. Go big or go home! right!? (Disclaimer- I'm not saying there is anything wrong with going on deputaion- we just didn't) For me it was no big deal because I didn't have to really do anything special but go to church and wow everyone with my charming personality (ha!). But for my husband, he went from just doing a teen SS class once a week to preaching 4 'real' sermons a week! I think he lived off pepto bismol for a year!! hahaha Those were some crazy fun, scary, sad, happy, exciting, unsure, you-name-the emotion-and we-had- it, times! I have so many stories. Just so many. This post is already ridiculously long though, so I'll refrain...

       About a year and a half  later, through another long story, the Lord provided us with a building! An actual, real, official church building! It even already had hymnals, KJV Bibles, an organ, a piano, pews, SS materials...you name it, it was there! For only $15,000. Another miracle! I mean, there are just so many miracles...

       We saw, and continue to see, the hand of God in our lives and on this ministry over and over and over! We have seen hundreds of visitors, hundreds saved through various ministries and outreaches, many people baptized, people rededicating their lives to the Lord and just countless testimonies of God's power. He, time and time again, has made Himself so real to us.
       We have learned and grown so much ourselves. I cannot really speak for my husband, but man, the more we are in the ministry, the more I realize how unworthy I am. How much I don't know. How I have no wisdom in and of myself. How I don't have all the answers, and that is ok! How it is NONE of me and all of Him. My charming personality (which turns out isn't so charming! who knew?? haha) isn't bringing in the multitudes. The lessons I have learned  and continue to learn in my short time as the wife of a Pastor are never ending. One of my favorite verses is in II Cor. 3:5, "Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think anything as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God; It is all Him. ALL Him. Which is a very good thing, because I have nothing to offer on my own.
        We have had 9 wonderful years here serving the Lord and I am looking forward to the next 50 if that is what He has for us (which I pray is the case!) There is just so much I could write here, but I wouldn't even know where to start.
        There are times of feeling like you are alone. The only one out there. The feeling of doing everything by yourself. Being the only nursery worker for years. Years! Running up and down to play the piano hoping someone can just sit with the kids in the nursery so you can have an invitation or a song service with music! Being the only woman teacher, encourager, counsellor, kitchen worker, babysitter, all while tying to give proper attention to your own children. Sitting in the back row counting how many people are there. And even include the baby in your womb. why not!? a life is a life! lol.
        Watching your husband do his best to do it all alone. Seeing Him laboring all week over a sermon he is thrilled about only to have 2 people show up. Seeing him discouraged and not knowing exactly how to help. Not sharing your own emotions for fear of further discouraging him. Poeple who you thought were in it with you for the long haul stab you in the back and leave bringing you back down to no one. So much hurt, but so much joy too. Financial burdens. Balancing church and family. Up and down. Up and down. Victory and defeat Victory and defeat. And just when you think you are at your lowest He brings you up! And does something so amazing that you can't even doubt it was Him that did it.
         Only another church planter can really understand. There is a special bond between us. We can look at eachother and just know. We get it. You can talk about church planting. Study it in college. Be part of a church plant, be in a church that is planting another church, but until you actually are THE ONE doing the actual planting, you just cannot fully understand. Which is ok. It isn't God's plan for every person...
         All that to say, it's so worth it! I wouldn't go back if I could. It is those times of hardship that we were able to fully rely on God and see Him work in crazy, wonderful ways. I feel like this post is a bunch of rambling because I have a hard time expressing the last 9 years here, but I wanted to share anyways- So thankful that God called us here. So thankful for the people He has called us to. We love each of them so much and it is so exciting to see God working in their lives :) Very excited to see what He has in store for our church and our future. "Through it all.....God's Been Good"

over a year later,,,,

yup. over a year. oops! haha

Well, since my last post we sadly lost another baby due to miscarriage. It was heartbreaking and horrible, but we were excited when a month later we found out we were expecting again! Lily Faith was born on August 26th and has been another wonderful addition to our precious family. She is sweet and content, which is exactly what we needed since we started school full swing a couple weeks later. 

I am just so in awe each day at all of these little blessings running around my house. Some days have been very, VERY, overwhelming and on those days I get back in bed, cry, eat pumpkin muffins, then get up and move on;) Liily is almost 2 months old now and we are getting in a great routine! The 4 older ones are doing great in school and Lily pretty much sleeps all day still. If I could only figure out what to do with the 2 year old, I'd be set! Anyways- that was my little update. Hoping to get back at this blog because it was a nice little stress reliever for me. So....see ya soon! maybe...

On Miscarriage...

September 2003- In the middle of the night I awoke to horrible cramping. I had no idea what was going on, but I knew I was in major pain. I had never had any issues with my cycles other than minor cramps, so this was something new. The next morning I noticed things weren't normal, but I went to work at the bank anyway. A doctor's visit later I realized what had happened....I lost my first baby. I didn't even know I was pregnant. I was devastated and heartbroken.

August 2007- After being pregnant for over 17 weeks with my third baby, I was thrilled to be going to the doctor for an ultrasound! Many hours of google searching had shown that yes! it was indeed possible to find out the sex of the baby on the ultrasound as long as baby decided to cooperate :) I couldn't wait to hear the heartbeat, because they were unable to find it at my 12 week appointment. I drank a million cups of water, hoping that it would help in the gender reveal process. My husband was not able to come to my appointment with me, so my sister drove down to be part of it with me. I also had my daughter with me who was so excited to be a big sister. We got all situated in the room and I couldn't wait to see my baby for the first time. As I lay on the table and the U/S tech silently moved around my stomach, it hit me. I remember turning to my sister and mouthing, "there is no baby?". He began to question me on my dates, and then I really knew something was wrong. I was almost halfway through my pregnancy when I was told, "We are sorry. This is not a viable pregnancy" and I walked out the door. I was supposed to be calling my husband with possible news of a boy or a girl. Instead I had to tell him there is no baby. The doctors called it a blighted ovum. No. It was my 3rd baby. A few days later I went through "labor" alone at home where I delivered a sac that was meant to hold my baby that had not developed. And again, I was devastated and heartbroken.

August  2014- I have 5 beautiful children. Pretty much everyone I know thinks we should be "done". Apparently children are no longer a blessing.  I have been praying and seeking the Lord over this matter and have not had peace in the area of preventing these blessings that He gives. I talk to my husband who agrees and we are excited to see what He will do and what His plan will be.

September 2014- Imagine my surprise when not even 2 weeks later I discover a second line on the pregnancy test! Ok, 3 pregnancy tests! :) I am thrilled. I cry in thankfulness to the Lord. I message a few of my closest friends & family and tell them the news...another Smith baby is on the way! I think about if I want to announce it or if I should wait. Why wait? Mostly for the kids. I wouldn't want to hurt them. After thinking about it I decide to tell everyone. I have never had so much peace over a pregnancy and just know everything will be ok. I post my "Prego" picture on facebook. It's a tradition now, you know, and get over a hundred well wishes from family and friends. May 14, 2015. I can't wait!

The night after I make my big announcement, I notice...something is not right. This should not be happening when you are pregnant. I start googling again, and find enough things to ease my mind enough to go to sleep. When I wake up in the morning I notice things are worse. I know in my heart what is happening, but I am just not ready to say it. I change my facebook profile picture because now I feel stupid for being so excited. I call the doctor and go in to get blood work. A few hours later my fears are confirmed. My hcg levels are now so low they are almost non existent. They call it a chemical pregnancy...I call it my 8th baby. Once again I am devastated and heartbroken....

The hardest thing for me about losing a baby early on is that it is such a lonely thing. No one, other than the mother, can really understand. I have only ever lost babies in the first or second trimester, and the second trimester loss was a blighted ovum, so baby was already gone:( In my case, there is not a whole lot of closure involved. It is something your body just does and does alone. It isn't like going through labor in a hospital with family and friends around. It is just you in a bathroom suffering in silence. At least for me.

Now, I would never ever want to lose a child late in a pregnancy, and not in any way trying to diminish the pain that goes along with that, but I have never gotten a chance to hold my babies. To touch them or kiss them. There has never been a funeral or a burial. Just a constant reminder every time I go to the bathroom of what I am losing,

People may think, "Well, you only knew you were pregnant for 4 days. What's the big deal?" Well the big deal is that a loss is a loss and I lost my baby, It is also strange to me that everyone just kind of ignores what is happening. Like it never even happened. Let me throw a disclaimer in here. Thank the Lord for other moms who have had miscarriages. They are, in my case, the only ones who really reach out. It is like there is a special bond of us miscarriage mommies who understand what each other is going through. And that has been such a blessing to me during this time.

I do want to say that I am not in some deep depression or anything, but I am sad. Very sad actually, but there is something helping me through, and that is knowing that God has a plan! I have no idea why He has been convicting me in the area of having more children only to take this one away from me. I can tell you what I decided though. God does want me to have more children. As soon as I realized I was losing my baby I said, "That's it! I'm done!!" After a few hours of that thinking, I realized something. Satan is always trying to discourage people from doing God's will for their lives...I will not let him win. Why? Because I am convinced that my next baby is going to make huge impact for the Lord. How do I know this? Because Satan was trying to discourage me from having him before he was even born.

I'm pretty much writing all of this for myself. I just needed to do it and get my thoughts out there. I just want people to really understand that a child is a child from the moment of conception. And just to encourage people who know someone going through a miscarriage to acknowledge that person and what they lost. They didn't just lose a pregnancy. They lost a baby.

And just because the baby was too small to hold, or to take a picture of,  or too small to hold a funeral service for, it does not make it any less of a baby.  I know I already have 5 and should be "happy with the ones I have". I am fully aware that I can have more. And I also know that "God knows best" But that doesn't mean I cannot or should not grieve the baby that I lost.

So I guess that is all I am feeling. I am truly excited to see what the Lord has planned for the future of our family and I still am willing to say, "Thy will be done" I'll keep ya posted. :)

It's been forever...

Wow! Has it really been that long since I have posted?! My last post was about what we were having...And now that little girl is almost 19 Months old! I enjoy reading old posts. It's fun to look back and see where I was and what I was doing.

Since my last post, nothing too crazy has happened. I do miss my ministry wife posts. I'd like to start them back up! One of these not so busy days.

Homeschooling has been going great this year! Our oldest is in 4th grade and loving the BJU press curriculum. #2 is in first grade. He likes it some days:) and#3 is doing pre k/k and doing a great job.  I am thankful I can teach my kids at home. Some days are insane and I'm googling "gold Christian schools", and other days are perfect.

Anyways- this is my random "trying to get back into blogging" post. And only because I have something on my mind for later. I just don't have the patience to write it out on a kindle!  See ya soon...

Baby Blessing #5...It's a.....

Today we found out the gender of this precious little one that has been growing inside of me for the past 18 weeks!! I have not really had any morning sickness with this little bundle, so I thought it must be a boy...WELL, no, sir! It is  GIRL!! And surprisingly when the u/s tech announced that, I was so excited! Maybe I secretly was hoping for another girl...I like familiarity ;) I am so excited! I think I already said that.

I was a little bummed when we told our boy (who already has 3 sisters) and he said "but I pwayed fo a boy?!"  I do feel a little sad for him because he was so wanting a brother...but God decided that we needed yet another princess, and we are so thankful and blessed <3 I told my mother in law, "Someone has to be providing good wives to all of these future pastors & missionaries!" 

I will admit though- the more daughters I have, the more inadequate I feel in raising them! I have so much I want to teach them, but there is so much I can't really do well myself (like sew!)...I want them to grow to be the best wives & mothers they can be, and I am just feeling overwhelmed thinking about that today! So, if you think of it, say a little prayer for me!! :) 

Happy 31st Birthday to my wonderful husband!! I love him so much...can't believe how old he is! :) Also on this very special day 7 years ago, I became a mommy! One of the most challenging/ rewarding jobs in the world! So thankful for my sweet Selah Elizabeth! 

The Pastor'S WIfe

The Pastor’s Wife

There is one person in our church

Who knows our Pastor’s life,

Who weeps and smiles and prays with him.

And that’s the Pastor’s Wife!

The crowds have seen him

In his strength,

When wielding God’s sharp sword,

As underneath God’s banner bold

He faced the devil’s horde.

But deep within her heart,

She knows

That scarce an hour before,

She helped him pray

That glory down,

Behind the closet door.

She’s heard him groaning –

In his soul

When bitter raged the strife,

As hand in hand she knelt

With him

For she’s the Pastor’s Wife!

You tell your tales

Of prophets brave

Who marched across the World

And changed the course of history

By burning words they hurled.

And I will tell how back of each

Some woman lived her life,

Who wept with him and smiled with him –

She was the Pastor’s Wife!

Mrs. Rena Frayer...Ministry Wife of the Week!

Husband’s Position- Sr Pastor Bible Baptist Church Norwich NY
How long have you been married? 19 1/2 yrs
How many children do you have? How old are they? 5 children-11, 10, 7, and 2 and one waiting for me in Glory.
1. Where/How did you meet your husband? Matt and I were a blind date set up by my sister
2. When did you get saved? I got saved Dec 31, 1999
3. Can you share your testimony? I lived in a Pastor's home and knew all what I need to know about God in my head. I lived as a so called Christian but didn't have that personal relationship with Him until my husband preached a message on New Year’s Eve called "Are You Ready?". I knew if I didn't get it right then-it would be my last chance. God glorious saved my soul and life hasn't been the same since.
4. How long have you been in the ministry? Matt has been a Pastor for about 12 yrs, but we have been, teen leaders and visitation pastor before all that.
5. How did you know the Lord wanted you in the ministry? Was it hard for you to submit to that or did you know 100% sure right away that this is what God wanted for your life? God called my husband to be a pastor but as a child growing up I wanted to be a missionary to Mexico. Become a RN and work in an orphanage. God had another plan. At first it was hard because I know the trials my parents have been through. But being a PK is a lot different than a Pastor's wife.
6. How old were you when you your husband first held a position of leadership? I think I was about 22 when we became teen leaders.
7. And if you were young, did you have a hard time adjusting because of your age? Did you feel “ready” to be in that position? Did you feel you had a harder time being respected or taken seriously because of your age? I don't think you are every fully ready for leadership. The kids were pretty good. When he became Sr pastor however that was a different story. My dad was the pastor before, and he still is a member. Some of the people still call him or go to him for things, and that is a daily battle. 
8. Once you had children did you find you did less in the ministry and was that hard for you? God didn't bless us with children until we had been married 7 1/2 yrs. So yes I did less but felt so privileged to have my kids. We had 7 pregnancies in 10 yrs. So needless to say it was a little crazy. I always want to do more, but my kids come first before church-not God.
9. What are some ways you included and involved your children in the ministry?                           *baby-people love babies so that’s not too hard.
*toddlers-they can sing and smile
*school age/teens-  they can do so much-clean, help with projects, sing, be polite, my older  ones help watch my 2 yr old so I can play piano and sing.
10. Did you ever worry that your children would resent the ministry and what are some ways you tried to make it fun for them? I do at times. We say we like to go to serve not we have to. Try to give the right attitude. Find their talent and let them use it. I have one who loves to sing, one who’s crafty, one who is a prayer warrior and Josh(2) is a lover of people.
11. What would be the best thing you would tell a mom who is raising her children in the ministry? Make sure everything isn't about church. Get some activities just for family. They are not perfect-don't expect them to be and don't let other make them feel that way either. Let them be kids!
12. Are you naturally a submissive person or do you sometimes have a hard time easily following your husband? Oh my. Matt's word is finally but he knows my opinion sometimes too well. God is still working on me too-thank God.
13. What do you do to encourage your husband when he is discouraged with the work? He loves chicken so some KFC makes him smile. I make some time for him and I. Make him feel like he’s the best-because he is.
Never go a day without saying I love you and mean it and show him. Of course pray with him and for him.
14. How do deal with any criticism toward your husband from others?  Not well. I am very protective. I saw my dad go through some tough things so it’s hard. I've had to learn to break down wall and let people in. You could say I am a mama bear.
15. How do you deal with personal criticisms? It hurts but I get over it. I am not here to please people-only God. Life is too short for grudges. I have learned sometimes the best response is no response.
16. Do you set aside date nights/days with your husband? With help from my family with the kids. It doesn't happen often enough. We walk together a lot and that’s our time to talk.
17. What is the biggest thing you have learned about being married to a man in the ministry? I am not the Holy Spirit. I have to allow God to do work not me. I like things to get done on my time-lol. Take care of my family first.
18. What are some ways you protect your husband from “those” women in the church? We have a policy never be alone with the opposite sex. If he counsels and it’s a woman-I am there- If a woman calls and needs to talk-I talk to her, not him.
19. Do you and your husband have devotion or prayer time together daily? We try but some days are better than others.
20. Do you have a hard time sharing your burdens with your husband in fear that it will discourage him? It depends what it is. Don't want him to have more to worry about, but he'd rather that I am honest with him-as hard as it might be for me to tell him.
21. What do you do to encourage yourself in the Lord?  I love music. I like walking. Both help me so much and of course Prayer to my Lord.
22. What is your favorite Scripture? Romans 12:1,2 -Phil 4:13, many more but these are 2.
23. Do you have a favorite song? People Need the Lord and Jesus Paid it all. I love Hymns and Southern Gospel.
24. What is your biggest struggle in the ministry? Sometimes I am not satisfied with where I am. I don't have a close friend near me-she lives in GA. I feel alone many times because you cannot share certain things with people in the church.
25. Do you have find that you are not able to have close lady friends in your church?  Yes, I love them all but they are not my best friends. We have great woman and they are wonderful to me. But I don't have a buddy. Matt is my buddy.
26. When you are discouraged, do you feel like you can “show” that feeling to ladies in the church? Or, do you feel like you always have to portray the “perfect” happy Pastor’s wife? I have a hard time hiding my feeling so I am sure they see when I am discouraged, but I have been working on that more. I don't feel like I have to be perfect but I do need to set an example.
27. Have you ever made a big mistake or offended someone, and if yes, how did you go about restoring that relationship?  Oh man ....as my son would say-yes and yes-I go and am honest with them and tell them I messed up. Ask for forgiveness.
28. Do you have other lady ministry friends that you go to for counsel and “venting” purposes? Yes-my mom of course, and a few others.
29. Other than praying, what is the most encouraging thing ladies in the church can do for you? Respect me and my husband.
30. What is your favorite way to serve the Lord in your church? I LOVE TO SING!
31. Do you currently have special Ladies Bible Study, meetings, or fellowships? Yes, we do Bible study every Friday morning, and a ladies day every year
32. What ways to you encourage your ladies to get involved in the work of the church? I always seem to have the same ones but ask them to use their special talent. 
33. What is the most important thing you want to pass down to your children? Love the Lord with all their heart and serve with a heart not just because they have to. Get a spouse that loves God.
34. In all of your business, how do you fit your personal time in with the Lord each day? When the baby is asleep. That’s the time when it is quiet.
35. Out of all that you have learned being in the full time ministry, what is the most important thing you have learned? I am my husband’s wife first and a mother-then a Pastor's wife. Priority is a must.
36. How would you describe the “perfect” Pastor’s wife? Imperfect who wants to grow in Jesus? One who has a pure heart for the things of God? A down to earth lady-not stuck up. Got to love kids and people. 

Chrissy Dedmon- Wife of the Week

Husband’s Position-Church Planter/ former pastor

How long have you been married? 16 years on May 25

How many children/grandchildren do you have? How old are they? I have 7 children.  Kylie, our only girl is 15, Matthew will be 13 in June, Caleb is 10, Silas 6, Titus 4, Joel 2, and Jedidiah- 3 weeks

1.      Where/How did you meet your husband? We went to school together from K5- 7^th grade.  Our school was 20 miles East of Springfield, MO, and after my 7^th grade year, my family moved to a town 20 miles west of Springfield.  When we were seniors in high school we both worked at a hospital in Springfield, and began dating.  That was 19 years ago.  =-)

2.      When did you get saved?  I was saved when I was 4 ½.  My grandpa led me to the Lord.  My sister and I were outside playing at the church.  My grandpa (our pastor) came out of the parsonage and asked to talk to me.  He took me inside, sat me on his knee and talked to me about Jesus.  We then got down on our knees and I prayed and asked the Lord to save me.  My grandpa went home to be with the Lord this past August, and I'm so thankful for him, and many memories, but especially that one!

3.      Can you share your testimony?  (this is the testimony in our information packet) I was born to christian parents who faithfully took me to church, and I was saved when I was 4 ½ years old.  I vividly remember sitting on my Grandpa's lap and him talking to me about Jesus and then kneeling down with him and asking Jesus to save me.  Not long after I was saved, my parents got divorced, and as a result I went to church some, but not faithfully again until I was 22 years old.   I always had a desire to live a christian life, and to be in the ministry (though know one would have known it), but it was all so foreign to me that I never thought I could live that life, or that I would be good enough for God to use me.  When we were expecting our first child I knew that I didn't want her to grow up how we were living, and decided that I was going to raise her in church.  I went a few times, but I hated going alone.  My husband told me he would go after the baby was born.  He did go with me when she was a few weeks old, and from that first time we went I was ready to be there for everything!  After we became more faithful in church, it wasn't long before I knew that God was going to call my husband to preach.  I told him that several times to which he would respond that I was crazy and just trying to change him.  I praise the Lord for my grandma who told me to shut my mouth, and let God call him, and if I didn't that he would probably never answer the call to preach.  Keeping my mouth shut was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but for 4 years I waited and prayed, and kept my thoughts to myself.  I was in a hurry, but God knew I needed that time!  It was during those 4 years that God changed my heart to follow my husband, rather than trying to lead him, and he showed me how good life was when I was willing to let go, and to be willing to go and to do whatever God called my husband to.  And then in August 2001, he surrendered.   In September we moved to Oklahoma City, and in January 2002 he started classes at Heartland Baptist Bible College.  It has been an exciting 10+ years, and absolutely the best years of our lives.  I'm still not good enough to be in the ministry, but I'm thankful that God chose to use me and it's Him who enables me to do what He's called us to do.  Ephesians 3:20- Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think according to the power that worketh in us,

4.      How long have you been in the ministry?  8 years

5.      How did you know the Lord wanted you in the ministry? Was it hard for you to submit to that or did you know 100% sure right away that this is what God wanted for your life?  As I stated in my testimony I knew for 4 years that God wanted us in the ministry, and really even before that, so I was ready, and it wasn't hard at all to submit to that.

6.      How old were you when you your husband first held a position of leadership? We had worked in different areas of the church, but my 1^st official position was as church planter/ pastor's wife at the age of 29.

7.      And if you were young, did you have a hard time adjusting because of your age? Did you feel “ready” to be in that position? Did you feel you had a harder time being respected or taken seriously because of your age?  I didn't have a hard time adjusting, but then I think that maybe planting a church was easier.  I wasn't taking anyone's place, and I was the one in that position from the time anyone came.  I don't know that I felt “ready”, but I was excited about what God was doing, and He was so gracious to give us people who loved us back.  We had a few bumpy times in Luther, but overall it was wonderful!  ( I was glad when I turned 30 though b/c there was one lady who would make comments about me being in my 20s.)

8.      Once you had children did you find you did less in the ministry and was that hard for you?  I had 3 children, and found out I was pregnant with our 4^th when we started the church so I don't know.  One thing that I've always loved is that my husband only expected me to be his wife and a mother to our children, and things at the church came after that.  I was always very active, and did lots of things, but he also expected other ladies to do stuff too, and he would say that if someone didn't do it that it just wasn't going to get done, that it wasn't all up to me.  That was always a blessing to me to not have to be the bad guy, and not be overwhelmed thinking I had to do it all.

9.      What are some ways you included and involved your children in the ministry?

a.      Baby…Always take them with us everywhere

b.   Toddler…take them too, they love door knocking riding down the sidewalk in their stroller.  And older people love it when they come and visit with you! 

c.      School age/teens…They helped more as they got older.  They helped us clean, build our building, visit, set-up, although we didn't have a whole lot of that b/c we started in a funeral home, and there were already pews.  My oldest son was our song-leader on Wednesday nights when he got old enough, and my daughter would fill in playing the piano.  They were always our ushers from the time they were about 5.  We are planning on Kylie teaching Sunday School, Matthew leading singing, and all the boys ushering when we start again.  They love serving, even though I have noticed as they've gotten older it's sometimes harder b/c they get embarrassed.  We also used all the kids in the church, not just ours.

10.  Did you ever worry that your children would resent the ministry and what are some ways you tried to make it fun for them?  I have always worried about that b/c of my dad and my aunt and uncles who have resented the ministry b/c my grandpa put everything at the church before them.  But I've used that to learn from, and make sure we don't repeat that.  It's not always fun, it's a lot of work, and I want them to understand that, but I do try to remember to take time out to just do something fun, or to make a game out of our work.  One thing I've learned is that their attitude and opinion about whatever situation we're in is often what mine is, so I try to have a good attitude.

11.  What would be the best thing you would tell a mom who is raising her children in the ministry?  Put them 1^st, but also make them understand that there are times when other people need you, things have to be done, and that it is a joy to serve the Lord.  Expect your kids to act a certain way and do things b/c they're your kids, and b/c you love the Lord, and not b/c you're in the ministry and that's what's expected.  I've always told them, it doesn't matter that we're in the ministry, we would expect you to do and act this way b/c you're our kids, not b/c of what people think.

12.  Are you naturally a submissive person or do you sometimes have a hard time easily following your husband?  I am NOT naturally submissive!  I'm prideful and want my own way, and I have to give it to the Lord.  A friend once told me early in my Christian walk when I really needed it- she said, “I don't submit to my husband b/c I love my husband, but b/c I love my Lord, and want to please Him.”  I've always remembered that, and it's been a blessing and a help to me.

13.  What do you do to encourage your husband when he is discouraged with the work?  I usually just say, well what does God want us to do?  Did He call us here?  Not in an ugly way, but to say, just keep going on, God knows where we are, and what's going on right now, and he'll get us through this, too.  And I pray for him, and tell him so.  When he's away and getting ready to preach, or when he's had to meet with people I'll text him or send him a note to tell him I love him and I'm praying for him.

14.  How do deal with any criticism toward your husband from others? After I get through wanting to poke their eyes out, I usually just pray for them. 

15.  How do you deal with personal criticisms?  I 1^st examine myself to see if they might be right.  Is there something I need to change?  And I talk to my husband about it, and if he doesn't think there's a problem, God doesn't think there's a problem then  I just blow it off, and go on.  I can't control what other people think or say.

16.  Do you set aside date nights/days with your husband?  We set aside time every morning and evening to spend time with each other.  And then we go out for lunch and stuff, too.  A lot more now that we have a 15 year old who can watch the other kids!

17.  What is the biggest thing you have learned about being married to a man in the ministry?  That he's just a man, and he needs me to encourage him, and love him. That it's an honor to be used of God serving Him where He's put us.

18.   What are some ways you protect your husband from “those” women in the church?  I warn him about them.  He's also very careful.  He made it very plain to the church from the pulpit that women were never to come to the church without calling 1^st, and if they did show up he would either ask them to come back later, or he would leave.  He doesn't make visits alone, and he won't hug any woman, just shakes hands.  We're also very seldom not together so that helps, too.

19.  Do you and your husband have devotion or prayer time together daily?  Family time, not just the 2 of us, although we are planning to.

20.  Do you have a hard time sharing your burdens with your husband in fear that it will discourage him?  Sometimes, but not usually.  There are a lot of things though that if I'll just talk to God about 1^st I don't find the need to tell anyone else.

21.  What do you do to encourage yourself in the Lord? Read, pray, sing songs.  Read my prayer journal and remember what God has done in the past, and what He can do today!

22.  What is your favorite Scripture?  This is one.  I have several!  Ephesians 3:20- Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think according to the power that worketh in us,

23.  Do you have a favorite song?  When We See Christ, Farther Along, What a friend We Have in Jesus

24.  What is your biggest struggle in the ministry?  Honestly, I don't have one.  I love the ministry1

25.  Do you have find that you are not able to have close lady friends in your church?  I choose not to.  I befriend them all, but I try not to have any of them be closer than another.  But I did do things with all of them at different times.

26.  When you are discouraged, do you feel like you can “show” that feeling to ladies in the church? Or, do you feel like you always have to portray the “perfect” happy Pastor’s wife?  I have let them see it, I think they all knew I wasn't perfect-lol.  And it was a good thing b/c when we were going through trials that people knew about they would often comment on it being a blessing to them about how they saw us draw our strength from the Lord.  I think it helps people to see that you're as human as them, but equally as important that they see the Lord in you. 

27.  Have you ever made a big mistake or offended someone, and if yes, how did you go about restoring that relationship?  Fortunately there was only 1 big major offence, and although she never fully got over it, I just apologized, told her I was wrong, that I loved her, and killed her with kindness.

28.  Do you have other lady ministry friends that you go to for counsel and “venting” purposes?  Sometimes.  There are ladies who I know I can always go to, and others who God has brought along in time of need.  Many times I just go to the Lord, and never tell anyone else anything.

29.  Other than praying, what is the most encouraging thing ladies in the church can do for you?  Tell me they're praying, cards, taking me out for my birthday, remembering special days for me and for my kids.  Brought food when I was sick, took care of things so I wouldn't have to.  (those are things ladies in our church did that were a blessing)

30.  What is your favorite way to serve the Lord in your church?  Teaching ladies, and girls, but my very favorite is standing at the door greeting everyone.  I always liked to make sure I talked to every person there, every service.  There wasn't anything I didn't like to do.

31.  Do you currently have special Ladies Bible Study, meetings, or fellowships?  No, but only bc we're in between

32.  What ways to you encourage your ladies to get involved in the work of the church?  Ask them at 1^st to help me do small jobs that I really don't need help with, but want to include them, and then eventually they are comfortable just doing it on their own.

33.  What is the most important thing you want to pass down to your children?  To love the Lord with all their heart, mind, body, and soul

34.  In all of your business, how do you fit your personal time in with the Lord each day?  It comes 1^st.  I get up before everyone else so I can spend time with the Lord and my husband, then I get the kids up.

35.  Out of all that you have learned being in the full time ministry, what is the most important thing you have learned?  To love people and give them time to grow.  Compassion makes a difference in their lives.  When they know you love them you can teach them the hard things along with the basics.

36.   How would you describe the “perfect” Pastor’s wife?  One who loves the Lord, loves her husband and her children, who is 'real', and loves the people that God gives her to minister to.

Oh yeah! I forgot I had a blog! ;)

Well, I have not posted in forever! I have been busy, busy...Guess it has something to do with the fact that I have 4 children that require a lot of time and attention! They are getting big and I am so proud of each of them......BIG NEWS!!!! most of you already know, but WE ARE EXPECTING baby #5 in February! I go for my first u/s on Thursday...praying to hear a nice strong & healthy heartbeat! Will keep you posted!